At Peninsula Temple Sholom, the first house many couples share fits right on their fingers.
A ceremonial wedding ring used at the Burlingame synagogue represents the union between two people and the joining of spouses under one roof.
Rabbi Gerald Raiskin at Peninsula Temple Sholom said the ring represents a pledge to Judaism. “As a bride and groom bond themselves to each other, and to their families, their ring becomes a symbol of them bonding themselves to the Jewish community.”
In historical times, an elaborate communal wedding ring was often rented and then returned after the service, whereupon the bride would then receive a plain gold band to wear from her husband.
“When a couple was going to get married, the value of the ring had to be evaluated for the price so the bride would know what she was getting into financially,” Raiskin said. “Only an expert can tell what the worth of a diamond is. The ceremonial wedding ring was born so there could be no competition about how expensive a ring was.”
With more and more congregants at Peninsula Temple Sholom asking for the ring service to be added into their wedding, it is no surprise that couples are starting to want a ceremonial ring of their own to take home and remember as a token of their wedding day. Yet with only one ring strictly available for services, couples about to stand under the chuppah have had to look elsewhere for the special piece of Jewish jewelry.
Local artisan Esther Davies has recently started to expand her craftwork to add such rings to her repertoire.
“It is a one-person campaign to bring back an old tradition,” she said. “When people see the rings they remember them because they are so unusual.”
Davies’ rings are made of silver and gold, with miniature temples crafted on the band. Some of the pieces have flags, and some have doors that open and close, and have reached up to four inches tall. “This is not the kind of jewelry you wear around town. These rings are dramatic and are ceremony specific.”
However, if the ceremonial wedding ring is just for the service, what does Jewish tradition say about the style of the wedding bands that couples wear for life?
The good news for Jews is that all of the current trends in wedding-ring fashion are also in accordance with Jewish wedding traditions. Corresponding with Jewish practice, a wedding band should be solid all around with nothing cut out of it. It can be engraved, just as long as the ring stays solid. This symbolizes the wholeness and eternity of one’s commitment to one’s spouse.
“Ani L’ Dodi v’Dodi Li” is the most popular phrase to engrave in a set of Jewish wedding bands. However, according to Bill Caplan, of Topper jewelers in Burlingame, it is usually passed over for a more uniquely tailored ring. “We actually do have a series of rings that have the inscription ‘Ani L’ Dodi v’Dodi’ Li. It is a ring we keep, but most people wear another of the many styles of rings that exist. Occasionally they want it to be a single metal so that it is a ‘kosher’ ring that follows the traditional Orthodox customs.”
Jewelers report that while Jewish women may be returning to a more a traditional style of band, men are branching out.
“Jewish men are not into flash. … It might have a beveled edge to it. It might be a comfort fit,” said Jeweler Geoffrey Stern, owner of Geoffrey’s Diamonds and Goldsmith in San Carlos.
With this in mind, the solid, gold band used to be the top choice of men everywhere, but as times have changed, so have the desired styles.
“Men are wearing a lot more white rings than they used to,” commented Caplan. “Either platinum or white gold; solid, muted metals are very fashionable.”
In addition to the change in ring color, the styles for men have gotten more elaborate and intricate than they were 10 years ago. “It [the ring] could be a curved line or a wavy line so that the rings are a little bit more distinctive than they used to be,” said Caplan. “What is also popular are patterns in the metal, where the metal looks like a braid in the ring, for example, rather than a simple plain band.”
For women, keeping their wedding bands a solid color and texture is still a staple of ring fashion, and like the men, they are making the switch from yellow gold to white gold and platinum as well.
But, as men are choosing a more designed band to wear, women are choosing more simple bands to compliment their already adorned ring finger. “The wedding band has to look nice next to the engagement ring,” noted Caplan. “Usually the band is specifically designed to go with the original ring. If she has a platinum ring, she will want a platinum band.”
Stern has also noticed a new trend of women replacing the wedding band altogether and going for a more decorated ring. “The men will come in and get a plain band, and then the wife will come in after the fact and get the diamonds added on. The plain wedding band is worn for the ceremony, and then after comes on the matching ring with diamonds on it.”
Stern, also noted that a ring is nothing without a quality cut of stone. “Rather than just going for size, excellent proportioning on diamonds and color stones is more important than the actual color or the clarity. It’s about mathematics. Where the angles are placed on the stones to produce the most brilliance and prevent light leakage truly enhances the quality.”
No matter if people want to stick with Jewish custom or not, those about to walk down the aisle want rings that are unique to their union, and their union only. “Everyone wants their own individual styles,” said Stern of what his customers come in looking for. “People generally want what other people can’t find. Going with a plain band is what tradition calls for, but the compromise is good for the ceremony, and the ceremony only.”