Did you hear the one about …

When in Rome …

Harry and Kitty want to add something to their lives that has been missing for many years — culture. So they decide to go on a European cruise.

On the first day they arrived in Rome. They quickly disembarked and as soon as they reached shore, they hired a guide to take them to some art galleries.

At the first museum, as Harry passes a large white bust, he says knowledgeably to the guide, “This really is a lovely bust of Leonardo da Vinci.”

But the guide, pointing to the bust, replies, “Sorry, sir, but this is not the bust of Leonardo. This is the bust of Michelangelo.”

Looking very embarrassed, Kitty goes over to Harry and says to him, “Why do you always have to embarrass me by your ignorance? You must learn to keep your mouth shut, especially when you know nothing about the New Testament!”

© david minkoff


Easier said than done

Moshe is in the airport waiting to catch a flight to New York. While he is waiting for his flight, he notices a lady sitting nearby crying. So he goes over and asks her if anything was wrong.

She says, “My son John moved to New York some months ago and I haven’t heard from him since. I’m so worried. He’s never called or written to me. So I come here from time to time because he left from this airport and I feel closer to him here than anywhere else.”

Then the lady asks, “Would you by any chance be going to New York?”

Moshe replies, “Well, as a matter of fact I am.”

“Oh, would you please find my son and ask him to call me?” the woman says. “His name is John Dun, spelled with one n.”

Moshe replies, “I don’t think it’s possible to find one man in New York.”

“Oh, please try,” the woman begs. “It would mean so much to me. I miss him so very much.”

After much pleading, Moshe finally agrees to do his best.

All the way to New York, he wonders, “How can I ever find her son?” When the plane lands, he takes a cab to his hotel. As the cab nears his hotel, Moshe sees on the side of one of the skyscrapers the words “Dun and Bradstreet.” He says to himself, “This might be easier than I thought.”

Later that day, after unpacking, he goes into the D&B building, walks up to the receptionist and asks, “Do you have a John here?”

She replies, “Yes. Down this hall to the right and it’s the third door on the left.”

He thanks her and goes looking for the door she pointed out. He finds it and goes in. There is a man there hanging up the phone. Moshe says to him, “Are you Dun?”

The man replies, “Yes.”

Moshe says, “Call your mother.”

© david minkoff


A real compliment?

The Shabbos service finishes and the congregation is invited to a Kiddush in the shul hall. During the Kiddush, Mordechai goes over to Rabbi Bloom, shakes his hand and says, “Rabbi, you gave a good sermon today — you should have it published.”

“Thank you,” Rabbi Bloom says, “but just between you and me, I’m planning to have all my sermons published posthumously.”

“That’s good news,” Mordechai says, “and the sooner the better.”