Stephanie Blum admits she’s tried absolutely everything she can think of to lose weight. “I even tried bulimia,” she deadpans. “But I’m a procrastinator. I would say, ‘Ehh, I’ll throw up tomorrow.'”
That and plenty of other rimshot-worthy zingers figure into Blum’s standup comedy. The mother of two will bring it on when she co-headlines the 14th Annual Kung Pao Kosher Comedy on Dec. 22-25 at New Asia Restaurant in San Francisco.
Blum says her comedy is family-oriented, but that doesn’t mean it’s of the Disney variety. She’s talking about her own families — both the one she grew up in back in Brooklyn and the one currently driving her crazy in Los Angeles, with husband Greg Federbush and two kids, a 7-year-old and an 11-month-old.
Though this is her first appearance at Kung Pao, which is geared toward Jews looking for chow and fun during Christmas week, she’s happy to be back in front of a Jewish audience.
“You feel completely understood in whatever you say,” she says, “which I love. They know about the neurotic overprotective grandparents telling me why my kid is so skinny, my mother-in-law telling me to take him to the doctor because ‘He’s not blinking enough.'”
Growing up in Brooklyn would seem to offer plenty of options for living a Jewish life, but not so in Blum’s case. Her mother grew up in an observant household, but decided to opt out when she had kids.
Her father, Blum says, was a hypochondriac. “His favorite game is called ‘Does This Look Malignant?'”
And her brother suffered from bouts of mental illness, something that had a deep impact on Blum then and now.
“I became a school psychologist because I couldn’t fix my brother,” says Blum, who worked in New York public schools with high-schoolers ages 13 to 21. “I was 24 [working] with kids that had beards. I used to say it was nice to be in a state where kids could drop out, have a family, go to prison and then graduate.”
Blum took a chance in 1994 and started doing standup at night, while working in the schools by day. In time she made it to CBS’ “Star Search,” and finally to a full-time comedy career. She and the family moved to Los Angeles three years ago to pursue the dream.
They joined a synagogue in the heart of Sherman Oaks and enrolled their son in Sunday school.
And, unlike many New Yorkers living in exile in Hollywood, Blum likes Los Angeles, though she has a hard time understanding the entrenched flakiness on the part of some locals.
“I don’t understand why people make plans, then decide not to show up,” she says. “I made a play date [for her son] with a friend, and she calls and says ‘Are we still getting together?’ Unless I’m in the hospital, then we’re still getting together.”
In addition to her standup work, Blum has done a comedy radio show with her husband, and recently premiered an autobiographical one-woman theatrical piece called “When I Cough, I Wet Myself.”
“It’s about my family and my brother’s mental illness,” she says, “and how I really want things to be different in my life. It’s funny but poignant.”
And as for those stubborn pounds that just won’t come off after bearing two children, Blum still has some hope, but it’s fading. Especially after her experience with a nationally famous weight loss program.
“You just can’t give a fat adult their snacks all at once for the week,” she says. “By the time I got to the parking lot they were gone. I had to get an advance on my snacks.”
Stephanie Blum joins Kung Pao Kosher Comedy at 6 p.m. and 9 p.m. Friday, Dec. 22 to Sunday, Dec. 24; and 5 p.m. and 8:30 p.m. Monday, Dec. 25, at New Asia Restaurant, 772 Pacific Ave., S.F. Information: (925) 275-9005 or www.koshercomedy.com