Even though twins and other multiple births are more common these days than ever before, there’s a family in Sonoma County that has been struck by some statistics that could leave even a statistician agog.
In 1996 Deborah Kolman of Windsor gave birth to a pair of fraternal twins, Dylan and Caroline. Then, a mere 15 months later, she again gave birth to identical twins, Lauren and Amanda.
Talk about lightning striking in the same place twice. Twice.
But perhaps an even bigger heavenly clanging struck the Kolman family a few months ago, when all four siblings became b’nai mitzvah on the same day at Congregation Beth Ami in Santa Rosa.
“Next to their births, the b’nai mitzvah ceremony was probably the most amazing day of my life,” said Deborah.
According to research on twins, the chances of a woman having two sets of twins is about one in 3,000.
The odds of a four-sibling b’nai mitzvah? Probably even higher. However, the desire to become an unusual statistic had no bearing on the Kolmans’ decision. Deborah and her husband, Bruce, opted to have such an event in order to accommodate a large amount of out-of-town family and guests.
“We just didn’t see our families coming for Dylan and Caroline’s [ceremony] and then traveling back next year for the other two girls,” Bruce said.
So on May 9, a b’nai mitzvah was held to coincide with Dylan and Caroline turning 13; for Amanda and Lauren, the date was only a few months before they turned 12 (often a traditional age for girls to become a bat mitzvah).
After the decision was made to have a quadruple ceremony, Beth Ami Executive Director Melissa Bloom and b’nai mitzvah tutor Marcia Gladstone went into full-court press mode to prepare the Kolman Four.
“Seeing the spark of Judaism in each of the four makes my job worthwhile,” said Bloom, who also teaches seventh grade at the synagogue. “The Kolmans attend Shabbat services regularly, so having all of them being part of our community is a very special gift to Congregation Beth Ami.”
One of the biggest challenge facing Deborah and Bruce and the synagogue was coordinating b’nai mitzvah preparation with the kids’ rigorous schedules.
Dylan is a 4.0 student and a star wide receiver in youth football; Caroline practices and competes about 12 hours a week in Irish dance; Amanda is also into Irish dancing; and Lauren is an active artist, musician and skateboarder. Also, all have been attending religious school at Beth Ami since they were in preschool.
Deborah said Team Kolman made the process and the ceremony a success. “Usually the mother is the driving force, but I had to consult with Bruce and my mother-in-law, and I had to rely on the synagogue,” said Deborah, who is not Jewish but has been raising her children in a kosher home.
Another major challenge was convincing the kids to celebrate together. “Originally they felt the ceremony should be done in pairs,” Deborah said. “They felt having a foursome would take away from the day. But by the time they finished their training, they realized it was something special, the four of them together.”
“To see how all four kids supported and interacted and cooperated with each other was quite special,” Beth Ami Rabbi George Schlesinger said, adding that he had never before conducted a b’nai mitzvah service with four kids in the same family.
“We and the synagogue made sure each kid had time to shine,” Bruce said. “They each did their own Torah portion and shared the Haftorah.”
The study groups were done by twin pairings: Dylan and Caroline studied together, as did the younger set, Amanda and Lauren.
“Marcia pushed us hard and that was frustrating,” said Amanda, 12, a seventh-grader at Windsor Middle School. “But it was worth it.”
Her siblings agreed.
“We all grew closer together,” said Caroline, 13, an eighth-grader at Windsor Middle. “I did struggle in the beginning practicing my Torah portion and the prayers. But toward the end, I worked a lot harder. It was an awesome experience.”
As for studying together, Dylan, 13, said that was an adventure because “all of us can be a little jumpy. But we’ve been coping for years. The ceremony clicked because we were well prepared.”
Caroline said the ceremony — as well as the celebration — were in part successful because she and her siblings took care of mundane but crucial details.
“I wanted bright colors at the reception because I love bright colors,” she explained. “We had to have yellow. There was also purple and red. And all the bright colors were a big hit.”
But the day was about so much more than just splashy colors and four-at-a-time novelty. “It was all about family,” Bruce said.