When Sarah Fenner was diagnosed with breast cancer eight years ago, she found that few Jewish prayers spoke to her while she endured chemotherapy treatments.
So the San Rafael mother of two, then 32, made her own prayerbook. The effort got the attention of this newspaper and also the New York Times. Soon, requests for the book poured in from across the country.
Fenner’s prayerbook was personal and homemade — a small photo album with blessings from a variety of sources, cards friends had sent her and photographs she thought would help her during treatment.
Once she started hand-making prayerbooks for other women, she realized that the task was impossible for just one person.
So she asked for help. Jewish Milestones, which provides resources for Jewish lifecycle rituals, offered to take on the project in August 2007. The goal was to find a way to manageably produce more “chemo siddurs,” while still maintaining the personal touch of each one.
But after a year of researching production options and drafting a business plan, Jewish Milestones still had not put the project in motion.
And then, in February 2009, Fenner was rediagnosed with breast cancer.
“I thought: ‘Who the hell do I think I am, taking my time with this?’ ” asked Rachel Brodie, founding director of Jewish Milestones and a friend of Fenner’s. “This is an extraordinary legacy, and we aren’t moving fast enough.”
And so Jewish Milestones ramped up its efforts by helping to organize events at which Jews have gathered to make “Hineni–Here I Am: A Companion for Chemotherapy” for their mothers, brothers, aunts and friends who have been diagnosed with cancer.
Most recently, about 20 women gathered Jan. 24 at a home in San Rafael to make a new siddur for the woman who originated the idea.
“This is for Sarah, but it’s also for us,” said Marci Dollinger, Fenner’s friend. “We’ve all felt helpless.”
“And this is something to show our appreciation for her,” added Lisa Katz, another friend of Fenner’s.
Fenner was not present at the Jan. 24 gathering. She was in Virginia, visiting her newborn nephew. She is still undergoing chemotherapy.
Her friends agreed that Fenner’s absence gave them more freedom to be creative and thoughtful with the project.
“It was important for her not to be there,” Katz said. “I think it helped make it even more powerful and healing for everyone involved.”
Jewish Milestones is trying to figure out how to put together chemo siddur kits, so that anyone, anywhere, can similarly gather and make a prayerbook that has a coordinated aesthetic and personal touch. Milestones needs to raise $12,000 before it can implement the project on a bigger scale.
In addition to design and fundraising, Milestones is developing educational content to go into the kits to give the art project another layer of meaning.
“We don’t want it to be just about cutting paper,” Brodie said. “We want to give it context, and make sure the education remains a component of this project.”
At the Jan. 24 gathering, handmade paper in bright purple and deep gold was scattered across countertops, tables and even the floor. In an hour’s time, the pages would be transformed by glue sticks, glitter, scissors, markers and stenciled shapes into a prayerbook, thanks to the collective effort of Fenner’s friends, neighbors and colleagues (she works at Tiburon’s Congregation Kol Shofar).
S.F.-based paper artist and art educator Barbara Selvidge designed the “tool box” of paper and art supplies so that groups could easily gather to make the chemo siddur, and have the appropriate supplies to make it beautiful.
“You know the slow food movement? We want you to think of this as the slow art movement,” Selvidge said. “Take your time, enjoy the materials. It just has to be made with love.”
Geraldine Barr, Fenner’s neighbor of five years, said making a page in a chemo siddur allowed Barr to feel like she was doing something tangible for her friend.
“I pray for refuah shlema [healing] in synagogue, but this was a more participatory way to ask for refuah shlema,” Barr said. “I’m moved by Sarah’s courage and grace, and I wanted to celebrate her life and the woman she is.”
For more information about “Hineni–Here I Am: A Companion for Chemotherapy,” visit www.jewishmilestones.org.