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Ask most people to talk about their grandparents and the smiles and endearing stories pour out. Why are grandparents so special?

They give love with little, if any, thought to what they'll get in return.

If you're lucky enough to be a grandparent, here are some ways to be the grandest of the grand — even if you've been assigned the job of raising your grandchildren.

The most important thing grandparents can do is to provide love and encouragement. Part of a parent's job is to discipline; another aspect is to scrutinize those report cards and room cleanings. But parents are busy and often don't have the time or patience to be supportive cheerleaders for their kids all the time.

Grandparents, on the other hand, are usually more removed from family tensions, capable of bestowing praise and loving commentary. Not needing to nag about dishes or homework, they're more likely to remember to say, for example, "Jimmy, I'm so proud of you for getting a C-plus in math. That's half a grade better than last semester," or "Way to go, Sue. Your track times keep coming down," even if the runner places last in every event.

Kids get much comfort in knowing there will always be someone there to support and love them when times are tough. What else can grandparents do to fulfill that vital family bond?

*Read books for ideas and inspiration. Grandparenting books are plentiful. "The Magic of Grandparenting," by Charmaine L. Ciardi, Cathy Nikkel Orme and Carolyn Quatrano (Henry Holt), offers many fine suggestions for expressing love to grandchildren, no matter what their ages.

The book also includes excerpts from people sharing special memories of their grandparents and information on how to handle three generations under one roof.

"Grandparents as Parents: A Survival Guide for Raising a Second Family" by Sylvie de Toledo and Deborah Edler Brown (Guilford Press) is a sanity-saving manual that addresses the emotional challenges of the millions of grandparents needing assistance in trying situations.

The in-depth guide also includes tips on how to deal with legal systems, as well as advice for coping with emotionally disturbed children and grandchildren. It should bring relief and understanding to grandparents who take on the incredibly difficult job of raising grandchildren.

*Join grandparents' groups. Caring Grandparents of America is a national organization that recognizes, rewards and celebrates grandparenting. Grandparents as Parents and the National Coalition of Grandparents are other helpful groups.

To locate your local chapters, call information in the metropolitan area closest to your home. Grandparents as Parents has a Berkeley number: (510) 845-7189.

*Take care of yourself. Grandparentswho are happy and healthy have more energy for the rigors of relationships with younger generations. That entails having a full life outside your grandchildren. Think of all you can teach them when you experience much of what life has to offer.

*Don't give up if you live far away. Most grandparents live farther away from their grandchildren than they would like. It would be heavenly for many a harried parent, of course, if extended family and supportive friends lived nearby. But those days are gone. Fortunately, there are ways to stay in touch and make sure your grandchildren feel your love.

Send your grandchildren a disposable camera and ask them to return it after snapping shots of school, pets and pals. Record nursery rhymes in your voice and send them to your grandchildren. Yours could be the voice that lulls a tot to sleep at night.

Or you could send a stack of self-addressed stamped cards. That makes it easy for young writers to get into a letter-writing habit, although expecting replies shouldn't be your motivation.

Kids love getting mail — any kind of mail. Souvenirs from trips, soap from hotels, old catalogs full of bright pictures — any mementos from your life will do.

*Stay in touch with children in general. You'll have so much more to talk about if you've heard of the hottest movie, television show or rock star. Read kids' pages in newspapers, watch "Nickelodeon" or the Disney Channel now and then. Your grandchildren will think you're a superhip older buddy.

*Don't stop telling those stories of "the olden days." Kids learn so much about our country's traditions and family roots through grandparents' storytelling. Children need to know where they came from; it bolsters their own efforts to conquer life, makes them feel stable and lifts their own experience above the ordinary.

Most importantly, your grandchildren need to carry your heritage into the future. It's up to you to show them the way.