The two farmers

Bud, from Texas, is on holiday in Israel, where he meets Farmer Arik. Bud asks Arik what he does.

“I raise a few chickens,” says Arik. “I’m also a farmer.”

“So am I. How much land do you have?” asks Bud.

“100 yards in front, and almost five hundred at the back.”

Now it was Arik’s turn to ask a question.

“You’re from Texas, so what about your farm?” asks Arik.

Bud tells him, “On my farm, I can drive from morning until sundown and not reach the end of my property.”

“That’s too bad,” says Arik. “I once had a car like that.”

The two rabbis

A Reform rabbi was having an argument with an Orthodox rabbi.

He asked him, “Why don’t you let the men and women of your congregation sit together as they do in my congregation?”

The Orthodox rabbi (who had a mischievous sense of humor) replied, “If you want to know the truth, I don’t really mind them sitting together at all. The trouble is, however, that I give sermons and I can’t have them sleeping together.”

Look to the future

Rabbi Herzl was visiting Mrs. Gold, an elderly member of his congregation. Rabbi Herzl said, “You know, my dear Mrs. Gold, that you are getting on in years and although I pray to the Almighty that He will grant you many more years in good health, you really should be thinking more of the hereafter.”

Mrs. Gold replied, “Thank you, Rabbi, but I am always thinking about the hereafter.”

Rabbi Herzl was rather surprised with this response.

“Really?” he said.

“Oh yes, Rabbi, every time I go upstairs, I say to myself, ‘What am I here after?’ and every time I go into my kitchen, I say to myself, ‘What am I here after?’ I do it all the time now.”

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