On Feb. 9, Martin Lowenstein and Inbar Telem got married in Jaffa, Israel. On March 27, they’ll get married again.
That’s because their “wedding,” which turned out to be mostly a media stunt, was staged as a protest against stringent marriage laws in Israel.
All weddings in Israel involving Jews must be officiated by an Orthodox rabbi; civil authorities and non-Orthodox rabbis are not permitted to perform weddings in the Jewish state. As a result, many secular Israelis elect to marry overseas, often in nearby Cyprus.
Last month’s protest was organized by the Forum for Freedom of Choice in Marriage, a group promoting civil marriage in Israel.
For Lowenstein, 40, who grew up in Hillsborough, it was a great irony. His entire life, he has been involved in the Jewish community, with San Mateo’s Peninsula Temple Beth El, with AIPAC, with the S.F.-based Jewish Community Federation and the New Israel Fund.
He first became involved with NIF because of his interest in environmental issues. But he never dreamed that the issues he was fighting for would affect him personally. He admits he was not the type to move to Israel.
In 2003, Lowenstein, who works in his family’s investment firm, went to Israel to attend some meetings with NIF’s international council.
“We had the requisite Bedouin dinner in a Bedouin tent just outside of Beersheva,” said Lowenstein.
Telem, 30, was one of the organizers of the event. “I saw Inbar in the Bedouin tent and it was love at first sight,” he said. “So six months later, I sold my house and put everything I own into storage and moved to Israel with two suitcases to be with her.”
Fast forward to the wedding. For the couple, it was an easy decision to marry in California, where they wouldn’t be subjected to the Orthodox restrictions. They went about planning their wedding in Willits.
The Israeli marriage issue was not far from their minds: On their invitation, they asked that, instead of gifts, contributions be made to the Israel Religious Action Center, a Reform movement group that promotes, among other things, changing Israel’s marriage laws.
But in the meantime, one of Telem’s colleagues contacted the couple and said the marriage forum was looking for a couple to help stage a public relations stunt.
“We said yes, not knowing what we were getting into,” said Lowenstein. “We thought that if we can help an NIF grantee, as well as the Israel Religious Action Committee, then we’re happy to do so.”
They didn’t anticipate the costumes, nor the number of television cameras.
The ceremony was held before a performance of “The Marriage of Figaro” at the Gesher Theater in Jaffa.
“Because of the theme of the evening, they dressed us up in 18th century Spanish costumes,” said Lowenstein. “The groom had the more outrageous costume.”
The director of Oranim, a center that offers Israelis a pluralistic classes on Jewish identity, officiated.
Rabbi Eric Yoffie, president of the Union for Reform Judaism was there, as were so many Knesset members and other Israeli personalities that the wedding made the gossip column in the Israeli daily Yediot Achronot.
Telem’s family and friends were there, but Lowenstein had only one guest: his friend Robert Efroymson, who happened to be visiting Israel from the Bay Area.
“Growing up in the Bay Area, liberal Judaism was the only kind of Judaism that I really knew,” Lowenstein said. “I never thought that Israeli law surrounding marriage would ever become a personal issue for me. And now that I want to marry an Israeli and to have the wedding ceremony in Israel, it’s disappointing to me that my Judaism is illegitimate in Israel.”