Off to school

A Jewish mother sent her son off to his first day of school with the customary pride and precautionary advice: “So bubeleh, you’ll be a good boy and listen to the teacher? And you won’t make noise, bubeleh, and you’ll be very polite and play nice with the other children. And when it’s time to come home, you’ll button up warm, so you won’t catch cold, bubeleh. And you’ll be careful crossing the street and come straight home, right?”

Off the little boy went.

When he returned that afternoon, his mother hugged him and kissed him and exclaimed, “So did you like school, bubeleh? You made new friends? You learned something new, bubeleh?”

“Yeah,” said the boy. “I learned my name is Irving.”

www.harryc.com

Out of Eden

On a recent Sunday, Hebrew school teacher Molly Leib asked her students to draw a picture of their favorite Torah story. As Ms. Leib moved around the class, she saw there were many wonderful drawings being done.

Then she came across the drawing of Ethan. The 6-year-old was busy drawing a old, bearded man driving a car. In the backseat were two passengers — both nearly naked.

“It’s a lovely picture,” Ms. Leib said, “but which story does it tell?”

The little boy seemed surprised at the question. “Well,” he exclaimed, “doesn’t it say in the Bible that God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden?”

www.beliefnet.com

Another one rides the bus

A little Jewish grandmother gets on the crowded bus and discovers that she doesn’t have correct change for the fare. The driver tries to be firm with her, but she places her hand delicately over her chest and murmurs, “If you knew what I had, you’d be nicer to me.”

He caves in and lets her ride for free.

She tries to push her way down the crowded aisle, but people won’t move over for her. She finally places her hand delicately over her chest and murmurs, “If you knew what I had, you’d be nicer to me.”

The crowd parts like the Red Sea and lets her down the aisle.

She gets to the back of the bus, where there are no seats, and looks significantly at several people, none of whom take the hint and get up to offer her their seat. Once again she places her hand delicately over her chest and murmurs, “If you knew what I had, you’d be nicer to me.”

Several people jump up and insist that she sit down and ride in comfort.

A woman who had been watching all this leaned over and said to her, “I know this is none of my business, but just what is it that you’ve got, anyway?”

The little Jewish grandmother smiled and said, “Chutzpah.”