Fridge follies

The rule in Israel was that a new immigrant could bring in normal household items duty free. But anything that looked as if it was for resale in Israel was supposed to be subject to import duty.

Yankel Levine, a new oleh, goes to Haifa port to claim his household goods that have arrived by ship. The excise officer notices on the manifest that Yankel is bringing in seven refrigerators.

“Mr. Levine,” says the officer, “one refrigerator is allowed duty free, not seven.”

“But I’m very frum, and I need one refrigerator just for meat, one just for dairy and one just for parve,” Yankel says.

“All right,” says the officer with a sigh, “that makes three. But seven?”

“Well, of course,” says Yankel. “I need three for most of the year and another three — meat, dairy and parve — for Pesach.”

“OK,” says the officer, losing patience. “That makes six. What’s the seventh one for?””

“So nu,” says Yankel, “if I want to eat a little traif every once in a while?”

Jewish Mother riddles

With apologies to all our moms.

Q.    What kind of cigarettes does a Jewish Mother smoke?

A.    Gefiltered.

Q.    Why does a Jewish Mother make a great parole officers?

A.    Because she never lets anyone finish a sentence.

Q.    Why is a Jewish Mother always excused from jury service?

A.    Because she insists that she is the guilty one.

Q.    What did the Jewish Mother ATM say to her customer?

A.    You never write, you never call and you only visit me when you need money.

Q.    What are the two most important things a Jewish Mother needs to know about sex and marriage?

A.    Who is having sex? And why aren’t they married already?

Q.    What is a genius?

A.    An average student with a Jewish Mother.

Q.    Who asked the princess seven times to get married?

A.    Her Jewish Mother.

© david minkoff