The Z3 conference, an annual gathering in Palo Alto at the Oshman Family JCC that explores the changing relationship between Israel and the Jewish diaspora, was held on Nov. 5 after major changes were made to the agenda to reflect what people are talking about right now. In its ninth year, the conference was held under circumstances unlike any previous year, just one month after the Hamas attack on Israel that launched a war.

More than 1,200 people showed up in Palo Alto, with overflow crowds and more people viewing sessions from home. There were tears and hugs as attendees greeted each other outside in the courtyard. A basket of tissues sat outside the auditorium for people to pick up as they walked in.

J. sent staff writer Emma Goss, engagement reporter Lea Loeb and editor emerita Sue Fishkoff to check out sessions throughout the day; here are their reports.

---

Where do we go from here?

In her welcoming remarks before the opening plenary, Shai Weingarten, a younger member of the Z3 committee, said a new reality had become apparent during the previous four excruciating weeks. “The older generation tried to tell us what evil is,” she said. “But we didn’t understand.”

In the keynote address, Rabbi Shai Held started with his own somber reflection. “It’s a difficult time to be a Jew,” he said. “And an excruciating time to be Israeli.”

He spoke of a feeling that was expressed by many speakers throughout the day, about their sense of betrayal and isolation.

“Many of us were forced to re-evaluate who our friends are,” said Held. “There has been an explosion of antisemitism around the world. We are living in a world nothing like the one we thought we were living in on Oct. 6.”

A feeling of profound loss is particularly sharp among progressive Jews, Held and others maintained.

Saying he was “more closely aligned with the left” before Oct. 7, Held said that now “something fundamental has broken for me.” He’s still a vocal opponent of the occupation, he said, but he blasted the “moral rot” on the far left, which has “invoked the rhetoric of decolonization to justify” the horrific Hamas massacre.

Another theme of the day was the powerful emergence of Israeli civil society, with ordinary citizens stepping up to help those affected by the violence. Hotels have opened their doors to evacuees from the north and from the Gaza border; volunteers, many of them who coalesced around the pro-democracy protest movement, are running distribution centers for food and other necessities.

“We have seen Israelis come together and support each other in amazing ways,” Held said.

The day’s first panel discussion, moderated by Stanford lecturer and journalist Janine Zacharia, brought together former Israeli Supreme Court Justice Elyakim Rubinstein with former Minister of Education Yuli Tamir, ostensibly to discuss Israel’s future.

After reaffirming the strong bond between Israel and diaspora Jews, and saying he was optimistic about Israel’s future, Rubinstein spent most of his talk blasting Hamas for its violations of international law, not just on Oct. 7 but throughout its 17-year reign in Gaza. He lost a member of his family during the attack, 88-year-old Hannah Gliksman, who was murdered Oct. 7 on Kibbutz Be’eri. “This is not a war with two sides,” Rubinstein said.

Tamir was one of several speakers who drew a clear line between Hamas and the Palestinian people, and asked conference attendees to be wary of conflating the two.

Noting that there are “Palestinian partners who have been silenced these last few years” as Israel’s government has become more hardline, she suggested that Israel might look to ideas “rejected in the past” to end the conflict.

“First, we need to bring the hostages home,” she said. “Then we can begin looking for a political solution. We can’t do them at the same time.” — Sue Fishkoff

---

Coping with grief in Israeli society 

“A lot of us feel sort of paralyzed, like what can we do?” said Isaac Winer. Like many attendees at Z3, the Palo Alto resident had been struggling with feelings of helplessness about the Israel-Hamas war.

“I’ve been very politically active in my life, but for the first week after the war, I was shell-shocked,” he said.

A breakout session on grief brought together 21 people, many of them Israeli expats, who shared the emotions they’ve been dealing with since Oct. 7.

“I walk around with butterflies all the time,” said one woman. “I’m waiting for the phone call.” She is worried that her family members in Israel are in grave danger.

“I’m struggling with this soup of emotions. Disbelief, sadness and guilt,” offered Tal Binyamin, an Israeli native and Palo Alto mother. “Who am I to grieve because I didn’t lose someone in my first circle? Who am I to cry when we have families of kidnapped people here today?”

Binyamin was referencing two Israeli men who spoke earlier at the conference about loved ones taken hostage by Hamas. Gal Gilboa Dalal, 29, described fleeing gunfire at the Nova music festival and being separated from his younger brother Guy, 22, “my best friend.” Eitan Gonen, 55, described being on the phone with his daughter Romi, 23, as she was trying to escape the music festival.

“My biggest takeaway is we are all now realizing we are on the same boat, and we need to act accordingly,” said Hillsborough resident Sarah Feldman, 32, about her first time at Z3. “I’ve learned a lot today, and feel better as well about the Jewish future.”

Winer echoed that sentiment.

“I think what I’ve gleaned is the need for people to come together and not suffer alone through this period in Jewish history,” he said. “Solidarity is critical.” — Emma Goss

---

A new narrative: shared Israeli society

Kher Albaz and Ilan Amit are both Israelis, one Arab and one Jewish, whose life’s work is to bring Arabs and Jews together to build a common future in Israel. Both are worried now and say since the war began they’ve witnessed racist blowback against Arab Israelis.

“I feel very unsafe online,” Amit said at a Z3 session devoted to changes taking place within Israeli society.

Albaz is board chair and Amit co-CEO of the Arab-Jewish Center for Empowerment, Equality and Cooperation, based in the Negev. They were joined on the Nov. 5 panel by two other Israelis, a professor at UCLA and a peace educator.

“Arab society, especially the Bedouin in the Negev, are taking a big blow,” Amit said, pointing out that Bedouin Israelis were murdered and taken hostage on Oct. 7 along with their Jewish neighbors. Meanwhile, Arab doctors continue to work in Israeli hospitals saving Jewish lives, he pointed out. “But you don’t see any of that online. It’s all anti-Arab sentiment, us vs. them.”

For the first time, as Bedouins, my wife and kids and I feel unsafe walking in Beersheva.

Albaz lives with his wife and children in Tel Sheva, a Bedouin town in the Negev. He said his daughter had called that morning to tell him the town was under rocket attack from Gaza.

Unlike Jewish communities, the Bedouin towns do not have bomb shelters. That’s one of many things he said needs to change.

“Things are so fragile now,” he said. “For the first time, as Bedouins, my wife and kids and I feel unsafe walking in Beersheva. That’s my home!”

“We’re fighting two wars here,” concluded Amit. “There’s the physical war, with bombs and guns. I’m sure we will win this war. The other war is for the cohesion of Israeli society.”

Referencing the deep divisions uncovered by the monthslong, pro-democracy protest movement, he continued, “I’m terrified about what will happen after we win the war. Will we emerge stronger as a society? Or be at each other’s throats again?” — Sue Fishkoff

---

How to talk to children about antisemitism and hate

Samantha Vinokor-Meinrath, an expert on Jewish teens, education and antisemitism, and the author of “Coming of Age During the Resurgence of Hate,” led a breakout session where she offered actionable ways for parents and educators to address children’s questions about events often beyond their understanding.

It’s never too early to start, she said.

“When is the right time to have that conversation? Yesterday. If you didn’t have it yesterday, then the answer is today. And if you’re not ready today, then the answer is tomorrow,” she said. “If your child is old enough to talk, they’re old enough to talk about Israel and Judaism.”

Vinokor-Meinrath suggests a factual approach to explaining antisemitism, addressing common stereotypes and tropes to help children recognize hate when it happens.

“You can’t fight antisemitism if you can’t identify it,” she said.

Vinokor-Meinrath also suggests speaking candidly while tailoring discussions to a child’s age and maturity level. Older children can handle more complex discussions, she said. Be honest, she said, but don’t instill fear.

“I wouldn’t start with ‘I want to tell you there are people in the world who hate Jews,’” she said. “Start with questions, like how are you feeling?” And then, “a war is happening in Israel and we’re really sad about it. I want you to know that the war is not happening here, and you’re safe. But this is something that the Jewish community is dealing with, and if you’re sad or scared, let’s talk about it.’”

“But what if we don’t feel safe?” one parent asked, as others murmured and nodded their heads in agreement.

Vinokor-Meinrath recommends that parents feeling overwhelmed themselves can still help their children with a “Mister Rogers approach,” telling their children to look for the “helpers” around them — long-shared advice from the beloved children’s show host to help scared children feel more secure.

“Look at all of the people who are here to help keep you safe,” Vinokur-Meinrath said. “The structures, the institutions, the people outside the doors and security guards, and people inside, your teachers.”

Young people are action-oriented, she said, so it may help to find them volunteer opportunities like a food drive or letter-writing.

“They want to be able to do something, and giving them a space and a way to do that is super important,” she said. — Lea Loeb

---

Activism on the ground: Israel and the U.S.

Yotam Polizer, founding director of IsraAID, says the Israel-based organization he’s led for 22 years has sent emergency teams to more than 62 countries after disasters such as earthquakes and tsunamis.

“I never thought we’d have to work at home,” he said at the Z3 breakout session “Activism on the Ground,” moderated by J. staff writer Maya Mirsky.

Daryl Messinger, chair of the Association of Reform Zionists of America, told the audience that the Jewish Agency has raised more than $600 million in its emergency campaign over the past month. “It’s extraordinary,” said Messinger, a Bay Area resident who sits on the Jewish Agency’s board of governors.

“It’s testament to the American Jewish love for Israel,” said Neta Katz Epstein, chief program officer of the Jewish Agency’s North American delegation. “Knowing that the people of Israel are not alone is crucial.”

However, both Messinger and Epstein pointed out, the needs require much more funding. “Seed money will be needed for rebuilding, small businesses will need loans to restart,” said Messinger. “This will require a commitment of resources. Every gift matters.”

Polizer told the audience that more than 200,000 people in Israel have been internally displaced. Eilat, a city of 50,000, has taken in 62,000 evacuees. More than 8,000 are staying in Dead Sea hotels, and thousands more are in hotels and guesthouses in the north. Most of them will not be able to return home for at least two years, he said.

“Everyone in Israel is traumatized,” he said, adding that IsraAID is providing emotional support, “psychological first aid,” to evacuees in 12 centers. “The mental health needs will be there for five, 10, even 20 years.”

Laura Adkins, opinion editor at the Forward, had just returned from three weeks of reporting from Israel. Noting the importance of giving through established organizations that have experience working in Israel,  she described an American civilian initiative that sent 50,000 protective ceramic vests to the Israel Defense Forces that were promoted as “bulletproof.”

“They were defective,” Adkins said. “Civilians providing military aid is a disaster. Discernment is important, and careful collaboration with partners on the ground.”

All three speakers emphasized the importance of reaching out to friends and family in Israel on an ongoing basis. They also urged people to attend rallies and be active on social media to counter the anti-Israel invective.

Asked to list concrete things Israel supporters can do, Messinger listed three: keep the hostage crisis paramount in the public sphere; show up at school board meetings and other events that could turn against Israel; and write to elected representatives and the White House to thank them for their support. — Sue Fishkoff