Robert Ruby didn’t have to work at being a mensch. Those who knew him best say he had an instinct for it. “If he could do the right thing,” said his wife, Eileen Ruby, “he would.”
The Piedmont resident died May 17 at Stanford Hospital due to complications from a heart infection. He was 67.
For decades, Ruby was one of the East Bay Jewish community’s most active and influential lay leaders. He served as president and board member of the Jewish Federation of the East Bay and its Foundation, sat on the AIPAC national council and governance committee of B’nai B’rith Youth Organization, and chaired the Berkeley Hillel board.
“He had a keen perspective,” said Rabbi James Brandt, CEO of the Federation. “He was a great thinker, a seasoned Jewish community thinker, so he understood the sensitivities and concerns that go into making communal decisions.”
The two knew each other for more than a decade, with Brandt crediting Ruby for hiring him as the Federation’s chief executive after the abrupt departure of his predecessor.
“In many ways he mentored me into the position,” Brandt added. “He helped me find my way. It wasn’t a typical CEO-president relationship. He really saw his role as nurturing. He did that with Federation staff, with the people who served under him when he was president.”
Matt Grossman, the chief executive officer of BBYO, added in his eulogy: “Rob’s capability as a leader came not only from his intellect, but his optimism. He shrugged off naysayers with a flash of his snarky wit and won people over with praise, cooperation and hopefulness.”
Born and raised in Detroit, Ruby was the son of professional wrestler Bert Ruby (nicknamed “The Jewish Sensational Light Heavyweight”) and grew up traveling the wrestling circuit with his family, occasionally introducing matches.
He graduated from Wayne State University School of Law and practiced labor law. After his first marriage ended, Ruby moved to California in 1985 to be near his brother, Allen Ruby. There he got reacquainted with a childhood friend. “It was so obvious right away that we belonged together,” said Eileen.
The two were married for 30 years and had a son, Michael, now a professional musician.
“My parents taught me how to treat people,” Michael said in his eulogy at the May 20 memorial service at Temple Sinai in Oakland, “particularly how to treat your significant other. My parents’ relationship was such a good model of that. He treated my mom with the utmost admiration, endearment, honesty, empathy and respect.”
Between his role as a worker’s comp attorney and her job in sales, the Rubys were in a position to give back to their community. She became active with the professional women’s division of the Federation, while he started out chairing the attorney’s division.
“We both spent a lot of our time doing this,” Eileen said, noting that her husband retired at age 57 to devote himself to his charitable work. “It’s something we did separately and together.”
“His understanding of his role in the community was as a caretaker,” Brandt added. “He took care of everyone that he worked with on the board and on the staff when he was a lay leader. He saw the community and Federation staff as his extended family, and as his responsibility. His work was all about people.”
Eileen said of his many Jewish community endeavors, the one closest to his heart was his work with BBYO, the pluralistic Jewish teen movement. As a youth, Ruby had been active with AZA, B’nai Brith’s organization for boys, an experience his wife said was seminal in his upbringing.
“He really believed [BBYO] is a great leadership and social opportunity for kids,” she said, “and a good predictor for a Jewish future.”
Friends and family remember Ruby as a big man with a booming voice, as a storyteller, a counselor and a devoted friend. Added Eileen Ruby, “He is the most decent person I ever met in my life.”
In addition to his wife, Ruby is survived by son Michael of Chicago; and brother Allen of Saratoga.