Israeli politician Michal Eden said her parents haven’t spoken to her since she announced she was gay, and they may never again.
Raised in a secular Jewish family that emigrated from Yemen, Eden came out 10 years ago at the age of 20. “I had to choose whether I’d be part of the family or not. I chose to be myself,” Eden said.
That she was elected last November to Tel Aviv’s City Council — becoming the first and only openly gay politician in Israel’s history — has changed nothing for her family. They haven’t bothered to call and congratulate Eden, even though they live just a few miles from City Hall.
“They know I’m a City Council member but they don’t want me,” said Eden, in San Francisco last week to visit extended family and meet with gay and lesbian leaders here.
Such blatantly negative treatment toward gays, while generally expected from the Orthodox religious sector, may seem surprising from a secular family in a country that has liberal laws prohibiting discrimination on sexual orientation.
But Eden, whose only contact with her immediate family is through one of her siblings, said that few Israelis actually feel comfortable enough to use the law.
“Arab Jews are less open to accept this kind of diversity in their family than Ashkenazi Jews,” she said. “Israeli legislation is very progressive, but Israeli society is quite conservative. The change we need is in the community.”
So that’s why Eden takes every chance she can to make herself seen and heard. If she can gain acceptance as a public figure, she believes that will make it easier for people to be openly gay, she said.
“I’m the most known gay person in Israel. I’m not being modest, but it’s true. Whenever the TV wants a gay person, they call me.”
Friendly and often smiling, Eden, a member of the Meretz Party, just missed becoming vice mayor of Tel Aviv by 12 votes. Sitting on the city’s human rights committee, she’s calling for the city to open the country’s first gay homeless shelter.
In Tel Aviv, considered to be the most progressive city in Israel, Eden estimates that one-seventh of a population of 400,000 is gay. She also believes that one out of every five homeless youths is gay. And gay youth are two to five times more likely to commit suicide than heterosexual youth.
It’s San Francisco’s gay and lesbian community, Eden said, that she looks to as a model for what Tel Aviv’s community can become.
“It’s very important for me to hear and learn what you have done here. Your city supervisors are my role model,” Eden said.
Eden’s first connection to San Francisco’s gay community came when the S.F.-based Jewish Community Federation arranged for a group of gays and lesbians to tour Israel and meet with her in April.
During her own tour of gay and lesbian San Francisco last week, Eden said she was excited to catch up with the same group from the JCF on her first visit to the city.
One part of her tour involved a conversation with Supervisors Leslie Katz and Mark Leno about the gay community and the Jewish community.
“They were explaining how I am the first generation, the Harvey Milk of Israel. They are the third generation. They are so far ahead,” said Eden, who returned to Israel this week.
Leno and Katz offered to connect Eden to friends they know in Israel. “Both are pro-Jewish. It’s very exciting. We’re building a U.S.-Israeli bridge not only among Jews, but among gay Jewish people. It helps me a lot.”
Determined to not let herself be brushed off as a one-issue politician, Eden also is fighting for a greater separation between Jewish law and Israeli law in her country.
“The fact that Israel has defined itself as a Jewish state influences directly gay and lesbian life,” she said. “For us, gay and Jewish contradict. Halachah [Jewish law] does not accept us as equal. So I have a problem with that. Only [after] I came out have I felt oppressed by religion; before that I was very positive about it.”
Still, she feels that Israel is on a path toward change. She predicts that Israel will eventually have a gay or lesbian representative in the Knesset.
But for young Israelis who are just coming out, Eden’s a realist. Her advice: “Don’t tell your parents you are gay until you have prepared yourself financially and mentally.”
Eden added: “I also tell them to love themselves and not to be ashamed. I’m proud to be a lesbian the same way I’m proud to be Jewish, and a woman, and a Mizrahi.”
If a swelling of pride erupted in Israel’s gay and lesbian community, it could lead to a dramatic opening up of Israeli society, Eden said.
“People are still deep in the closet. But if we go out more, I do believe this will change the character of Israel. Israel will be recognized and act as a truly multi-cultural society.”