If you want straightforward and helpful dating advice, keep looking. But if you want a humorous look at the dating world from a cynical Jewish mother, you’ve found it in “Oy Vay, I’m Single Again: From Breaking the Ice to Breaking the Glass.”
Sheila A. Gross’ guide is about breaking back into the dating world after being out of the loop. Her own marriage ended after 26 years. But after nine years of following her own advice, she found Mr. Right — in this case Mr. Minnich — and recently remarried.
The book’s contents are divided into two sections: how to meet people and how to date them. Gross lists one by one all the places that she apparently went to while trying to find a good man. She goes on to describe all the different characters that you will find at each function.
At a dance, you might meet Mr. BO whose perspiration causes a “cloud” around him. “You could date him whenever your sinuses are clogged,” she jokes.
Gross warns about the “good ole boys” at bars.
“Older men clutching their drinks with sour looks on their faces like their viagra doesn’t work or as though they’d like to kill somebody.”
Some other locations include lunch-and-learn seminars and wine-tasting events.
“I personally like dance lessons or lectures on Jewish mysticism, Kosher cooking lessons, how to read Hebrew for dummies, or the religious commentary on medical ethics. Something that teaches while you mingle is my cup of tea,” she writes.
“Then there’s always the Orthodox Rabbi’s wife, who is the unofficial matchmaker of the community. She invites you to Friday night or Shabbat dinner and seats you next to Mr. Fromm, a very religious, available man. Lots of luck, it might work out. Um be shrien! [God forbid].”
Wherever she goes, Gross seems to find men and women panting over the opposite sex while trying to look sexy. She gives a run-down of who to expect at seminars and discussion groups.
Gross even helps those who look no further than their local paper for romance. She translates what guys really mean when they describe themselves in personals ads. According to her, when a man says he’s “available” it means his “wife just threw him out.” And when a guy considers himself to be looking for a “meaningful relationship only,” you can count on “a two-night stand.”
Gross’ chapter on bad dates takes a serious turn when she advises what to do when things go bad. She brings up scenarios of dates exposing themselves and being too forceful. It’s a big jolt after all her joking.
The second half of the book is a bit more practical, including the 20 questions Gross suggests you ask during a date. Some of them seem a little nosy but others are funny and others still are thought provoking.
When asking if a date is computer literate, make sure that for him that doesn’t mean downloading porn. Asking what his favorite food is can be a good way to find out if he eats everything he sees.
There is also a “Jewish Singles Survival Test” to make sure that you, the reader, can get by in the dating world. For example, “Your perfect match is slightly chubby: A. Suggest a low-calorie diet. B. Suggest more exercise. C. Concentrate on other redeeming qualities. To be Jewish is to be slightly chubby.”
It’s hard to deny the humor of “Oy Vay! I’m Single Again.” There are times though, when amusement alone is not enough.
Gross does not try to give the reader the impression of hard facts and practical tips. If this is kept in mind, this can be a fun read.
But Gross’ attitude toward men, women and dating is a bit condescending. You get the impression that being single means being unhappy. The chapters are often pessimistic enough that the implication is that marriage is a way of settling for whatever you can get.
The most redeeming part of the book is found on the last two pages, where Gross offers a glossary for all the Yiddish words she uses in her writing.
The book is a bit short and the pictures give themselves away as page-fillers. But Gross’ voice and experience are strong in this guide.
It is a quick read and one that can be shared with friends in the same boat. With a name like “Oy Vay! I’m Single Again,” it probably makes a better gag gift than anything else.