The tradition of Jewish matchmaking has come a long way from the days when the shadchan was often paid to meddle into the personal lives of singles and their families to arrange suitable marriages.
With the digital age came a new matchmaker for Jewish singles — the Internet, in the form of online dating Web sites, such as JDate.com, Match.com and Craigslist.org Not only are these sites gaining in popularity and number, but they are expanding the reach of the Jewish community and the opportunity for romantic connections.
“Initially, online dating was looked on as something for desperate singles or lonely hearts. Today’s atmosphere at online dating sites is one of fun and interactivity,” said JDate’s vice president of corporate communications, Gail Laguna. “It is somewhere to go to have a good time, strike up a conversation and possibly meet someone.”
Los Angeles-based JDate, which boasts some 400,000 members, or, it claims, one out of every 10 Jewish singles around the world, has provided a unique place where the Jewish community, which has a limited database to begin with, can meet each other when other avenues, like social circles and synagogues, have been exhausted. Not only can a Jewish single meet hard-to-find other Jewish singles on these sites, but sites like Jewishvegan.com and Orthodox Connection — http://home.the-wire.com/shadchan — cater to even more specific requirements .
San Francisco resident Ron Abta, who met his fiancée, Allison Jacobs of Berkeley, on JDate in October 2001, said the Web site has revolutionized dating.
He signed up for the service with the intention of finding a Jewish partner, and met Jacobs within three months, after about 20 dates with others.
“The stigma is over,” he said. “There was definitely one as much as a year ago, and now it’s widely accepted.”
Abta, who said he was never one to “do well” in the bar scene, said he was focused on finding someone Jewish. While set-ups and dinner parties were too few and far between for the 31-year-old software salesman, JDate brought him in touch with the Bay Area “mishpoche.”
“Time is a precious commodity and you want to spend it with somebody you want to be with, similar in likes and interests,” Abta said. “JDate is such a great way to find that person with really the least amount of effort.”
Jacobs, similarly, was looking for someone Jewish. Coming out of a broken-off engagement with a non-Jew, the 28-year-old nurse was turned off to interfaith dating and turned on to Match.com by a friend. She later switched to JDate, she said, after finding that the people who used that site seemed to be more serious about finding someone special.
JDate’s Laguna said the site has “quality members,” and the majority have professional degrees, with an average household income of more than $60,000 a year.
The site itself is also successful. Last month, JDate received messages from 40 members who said they’d met their “soul mates,” according to JDate customer relations consultant Staci Martin. “We’re constantly getting messages from people who have met on our site who are getting married and having babies.”
Jacobs and Abta, who are planning a spring wedding, both feel they got lucky. “I know tons of people who have dated lots of people on JDate and haven’t found anybody,” said Jacobs. She added that many of Abta’s male friends are on JDate “looking for a wife.”
Craigslist founder Craig Newmark said online dating is a way to meet people faster.
“These days we don’t have good ways for people to meet each other. Bars don’t work, cafes aren’t effective enough,” he said. “You can meet people through friends, but still, sometimes that doesn’t get the job done.”
“For busy people, online dating is the best,” Jacobs said.
Berkeley resident Alissa Blackman, who is bisexual, had her profile posted on JDate for six months before she met her fiancé offline. Though she had a number of Jewish friends already, she wanted to meet a Jewish man or woman she was attracted to. She found the site a good opportunity to clarify what she was looking for in a partner.
“I was wanting to meet someone who could eventually be someone I’d want to spend my life with,” she said. “But I knew that doesn’t happen instantly. You have to get to know somebody.
“People want to find partners and they are willing to try all manners of things.”
Newmark said Craigslist’s personals, which can conduct a search for Jewish partners, complements JDate. The S.F.-based site gets about 130,000 postings a month.
“People try different sites at different times depending on what works for them,” he said. “What’s special about craigslist is the culture of trust we have.”
To ensure safety, many users like Blackman, 33, and Jacobs have a system for dating online. They generally make first contact over e-mail and then proceed to trading e-mails, photographs or Web sites back and forth, establishing a connection with the person until they feel the time is right to meet face-to-face. Then they set up a casual date, like getting coffee, which could lead to a more intense connection, or nothing at all. Safety is a concern, they said, but like anything, common sense is a good guide.
“You have such an opportunity for your imagination to run rampant…even once you start trading e-mails back and forth,” Blackman said. “You have to read between the lines.”
Newmark said Craigslist has a reputation for trustworthiness with its users. The site monitors and fights scams. He added online dating is a safe way to “get to know a person a little better before meeting.”
Responding to the popularity of online Web sites, the Jewish Bulletin is now posting its Such a Match! personals ads, which use 900-telephone numbers, on its Web site, JewishSF.com, as well as putting a selection in the newspaper.
“What’ s happened in the last five years is the Internet…has replaced 900 numbers with the more hip and cool and popular way to meet people,” said the Bulletin’s assistant publisher, Nora Contini. “More people are looking at the ads online because it’s not just limited to Bulletin readers. It’s a larger group of people who are exposed.”
Jacobs agrees. “It’s easier for someone to read a whole profile,” she said. “It’s definitely replaced newspaper personal ads, but I think it’s enhanced the other ways of meeting people.”
Plus, with the Bay Area’s Jewish community so spread out and without a center, online dating brings a sense of connection to Jewish singles.
“The world Jewish population is declining,” Laguna said. “Communities such as JDate strengthen the Jewish sense of community.”