NEWTON, Mass. — Members of one of America’s premier philanthropic families have some words of wisdom for parents who want their children to understand the importance of tzedakah, or charity.
They say that if you want your kids to do good deeds, to give charity, to be personally involved in the life and well-being of their communities, it’s not enough just to talk about it.
“My parents never made a point of lecturing us on what they were doing. They taught by example and I think that’s the most powerful instruction. We knew to do what we saw our parents doing: taking responsibility for the community in which they live,” said Lee Meyerhoff Hendler.
Hendler’s grandfather Joseph Meyerhoff came to America from Russia in 1906. During the Depression he studied law at night and eventually founded the national real estate firm Monumental Properties Inc., which became the basis for the family fortune. He also established the $34 million Joseph Meyerhoff Fund to promote charitable causes.
“His motto was, ‘You don’t go broke giving money away,’ and that was how he lived,” said Hendler.
Hendler’s parents, Harvey and Lyn Meyerhoff, demonstrated the same dedication to community, giving generously to a multitude of Jewish and secular causes and serving on the boards of diverse community organizations.
When Hendler and her three siblings were all between the ages of 19 and 29, the Meyerhoffs decided it was time for their children to make their own mark.
“I thought it would really give us an opportunity to see how our kids behave when they’re not simply following instructions,” explained Harvey Meyerhoff. “They needed and deserved the opportunity to grow on their own.”
He and his wife set aside an undisclosed amount of money, and in 1979 established the Children of Harvey and Lyn Meyerhoff Philanthropic Fund.
The Meyerhoffs never told their children what to do with the money. The only rule was that giving through the fund could not serve as a substitute for the younger generation’s personal involvement in the community.
“If you think that the cause with which you are involved is worthwhile, then you give it all you can both in terms of money and time,” said Harvey Meyerhoff.
Now a third generation has come of age, and Harvey Meyerhoff once again has set up a foundation, the Grandchildren of Harvey M. and Lyn P. Meyerhoff Philanthropic Fund.
One of those grandchildren, Will Rubenstein, recalled how he learned to be an active participant in his community — and it wasn’t through lectures or books. In fact, like Lee Meyerhoff Hendler, Rubenstein said his parents never told him anything about philanthropy. They showed him.
At age 5, Rubenstein stood beside his father hugging racers as they crossed the Special Olympics finish line. At age 8, he rode around with his mother on Election Day, helping bring voters to their polling places.
“Philanthropy doesn’t just mean giving away money, it also means giving your time,” he said. “My mom and dad have both done tremendous amounts of work in the community. I saw the importance of having two lives, the working life and the volunteer life, and it didn’t seem to me that there was a difference in the amount of hard work or intensity that they put into either of those lives.”
The Meyerhoff family’s history of giving has been incredibly varied — from instrumental funds for the Holocaust Memorial Museum to helping launch Hillel’s Center for Jewish Engagement, as well as a wide variety of civic causes in Maryland.
In recent years, the family’s attention has turned increasingly toward Jewish causes. Lee Meyerhoff Hendler, meanwhile, is the author of “The Year Mom Got Religion” (Jewish Lights Publishing), an exploration of her own identity as a Jew and the ways in which her philanthropy influenced her decision to become more knowledgeable about Jewish tradition.
Five years after taking control of the foundation their parents gave them, Hendler and her siblings crafted a mission statement spelling out the fund’s dedication to promoting “healthy Jewish relationships both with other Jews and with non-Jews,” Hendler said.
Experts agree that the best way to teach children about charity is by having them get directly involved in the doing of good works. Where to begin? What kinds of things can kids do to learn firsthand the joy of tzedakah?
*Hand-make simple toys for children in homeless shelters or hospitals. At holiday times, make gift boxes for homeless kids; include toys and also necessities such as clothes and toiletries.
*Children and parents can volunteer together at a soup kitchen, or neighbors can join together (with their kids) to grow a communal garden, with the produce going to a shelter or soup kitchen.
*Help an elderly or disabled person clean his or her home. Do yard work for those who cannot do it themselves.
*Kids can connect directly with other kids by visiting children in the hospital and reading to younger kids there. Be a friend to a child who needs a friend.
*Collect stuffed animals from friends, then store them in the trunks of police cars and ambulances to comfort children in accidents.