It’s not exactly twice as much fun, but having a b’nai mitzvah with a twin is definitely half as stressful as going it alone.
At least, that’s what three sets of Bay Area twins concluded after their recent b’nai mitzvah.
There were other benefits as well: The twins sometimes studied together, they practiced the d’var Torah in front of one another, and, though they might not all admit it, the process seemed to bring them closer together.
In one case, at least according to one-half of the duo, the experience was transforming.
“I have to say before our b’nai mitzvah, we were not like enemies, but we were not very close,” admitted Emmy Wagner of Sebastopol. “He was wildness and aggressiveness; I was quiet.”
But especially in the weeks leading up to their Aug. 2 ceremony at Reconstructionist Congregation Ner Shalom in Cotati, the two worked together closely and “started to be friends,” she said earlier this month, still glowing from the event.
Her brother, Zachary, agreed “it was nicer” going through the ritual with his sister, and “a little longer, maybe” — which was a good thing.
Their mother, Carina, felt “they helped each other learn and motivated one another. In the end they both did incredibly awesome.
“They grew up this year.”
Carina and her husband, Andrew, along with their 11-year-old daughter, Lily, got to play unusual roles in the ceremony. The twins, who met jointly with Rabbi Elisheva Sachs to prepare for their b’nai mitzvah, decided instead of writing and giving speeches, they would write and perform a play about Moses and God. Zachary played God, Emmy was Moses. Their father served as the narrator, and their mother and sister acted as townspeople.
Doing the skit was challenging, said Emmy, but “we were so determined to do it.” Plus it was fun wearing costumes and “being able to act in crazy, weird ways.”
Meanwhile, in July, Reform Temple Sinai in Oakland hosted two sets of twins in two weeks.
All the siblings had good things to say about the double-billing.
“It was half the work,” chirped Sarai Jacobson. Splitting the July 5 Haftarah reading with her brother, Mikey, allowed the two to really get to know the material and feel confident going in. And they practiced together, reciting their speeches to one another. She touched on frustration as a theme, while he chose to speak about the Israelis and Palestinians.
Leading up to the b’nai mitzvah, each met separately with Rabbi Mark Chester.
On July 12, Masha and Svetlana Chyette took the honors. “Oddly enough, it was a double Torah portion,” said Masha. While scheduled to meet separately with the rabbi, after a few sessions “we ended up going together,” Masha said.
At the start of the learning process the girls studied separately, but as time went on “we practiced together more so we could get the feel of what it was like” speaking to an audience, Svetlana explained.
Both their talks focused on character traits. “She talked about not giving up,” said Svetlana. “I talked about anger and jumping to conclusions.” The twins’ background undoubtedly influenced their themes, as the girls were adopted at age 3 from an orphanage near Leningrad.
Long happily ensconced with their mother and father in their East Bay home, neither girl remembers the world she left behind. However, the twins don’t hide the fact that there are missing pieces in their young lives.
All six recent b’nai mitzvah buck the stereotype of inseparable twins: They are independent, and they bicker, just like other siblings. Most attend different schools and have some joint, but mostly separate, friends.
For all the families, having everyone together at the b’nai mitzvah and party proved especially nice. “It was fun for all our friends to get together,” said Svetlana. “Hardly any of my friends have actually met ‘Mash.'” Many were surprised when they finally did, she said, because “I look more like my babysitter than my sister.”
The Jacobsons, too, don’t look like twins. “Physically they are very, very different,” said their father, Mark Jacobson. “He’s almost blond, and she’s olive-skinned with dark hair.” (“People say that we got mixed up in the hospital,” Sarai likes to joke.)
They have “totally different sets of friends,” said their dad, and currently attend different schools near their Crocker Highlands home. Both play on select soccer teams, making for a hectic schedule for their father and mother, Ilona Frieden.
For all the parents, there was never a question about having a joint b’nai mitzvah. To not do so “wouldn’t even be feasible,” said Mark Jacobson. “No one ever even considered that as possible.” Anyway, he said, “the kids were relieved that they wouldn’t have to do it all by themselves.”
The moral support they provided one another was one of the greatest benefits of being a twin on the bimah, the kids point out.
“It wasn’t as scary because you weren’t the only one up there,” said Sarai. “I had my brother up there with me.”
Mikey agreed. “The stress is off, I think.”
The safety net also helped the Chyettes, the daughters of Charlene Depner and Mitchell Chyette, sail through the religious rite of passage.
“It was kind of fun to know that you’re not doing it alone, and somebody’s helping you,” said Masha.
Added Svetlana: “You feel like you don’t have all the responsibility, and you know that if anything happens, you also have someone with you. If you get a cold, all hope is not lost. I caught laryngitis the day before my bat mitzvah!”
Luckily, her voice grew stronger the following day, and, with the help of a microphone, she made it through all the speaking parts, though “I was coughing a little.”
The best thing about becoming a bat mitzvah with your twin sister, Svetlana concluded, is “there’s someone else to back you up. You don’t have to have everything pointed at you all the time.”