I’m pretty sure my friends Dey and Antoinette were the last of the red-hot Jewish lesbian brides. They exchanged vows at San Francisco City Hall about an hour before the state Supreme Court shut down Mayor Gavin Newsom’s fling with gay marriage one year ago.
For Dey and Antoinette, this was more a symbolic act. (They’ve been married for years and have two beautiful children.) None of us expected the vows of winter to stand. Sooner or later, we knew, the weddings would be stopped, the marriage licenses voided. And when that happened, we figured the battle for equality would simply go on from there.
But the aftermath of November, with a dozen states passing bans on gay marriage, some even abolishing civil unions, seemed a high price to pay for wedding photos on the steps of City Hall.
Friends assured me this is a long battle and setbacks like this were to be expected. But this past year I’ve been upset by what appears to be an open war on gay people.
It got me thinking about the nature of tolerance.
Tolerance is America’s most sugarcoated value. We teach it in our schools; we preach it from our pulpits. We name museums after it and expect it from all quarters of civil society. In our speech, we are to use tolerant terms like “differently abled” and “people of color.”
Just one question: What’s so great about tolerance?
What is so noble about tolerating people whom I may not really appreciate in my heart of hearts, and from whom I may withdraw my tolerance at any time?
Seventy-five years ago, Germans tolerated the Jews living among them. Until they didn’t anymore.
For decades, Southern whites tolerated black people as long as they played a socially inferior role. When that role expired, so did the tolerance.
Similarly with lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people, we urge tolerance, even though I’ll bet most straight people deep down feel a measure of unease, if not downright disgust.
Which means we’ll tolerate “those people” up to a point. Once they demand full equality, including marriage rights, the tolerance sputters.
Personally, I don’t think we should tolerate gay and lesbian people.
Rather, we should love and adore them, embrace and celebrate them. We should approve of the lives they lead — including and especially their sex lives — as absolutely fabulous, totally 100 percent great, no problem whatsoever.
That may not be easy for many straight people. But it’s crucial to make that mental hurdle in order to get beyond the limited warranty of tolerance.
That’s why I’m pleased that Reform, Renewal, Reconstructionist and some Conservative congregations hold commitment ceremonies for gay couples. It’s an unambiguous public statement of support for gay unions.
Unfortunately, Orthodox Judaism remains firmly intolerant. Both the Orthodox and Conservative movements forbid openly gay clergy.
Folks, this garbage has to stop. To put the imprimatur of HaShem on bigotry is an abomination.
We who know so well the sting and sorrow of prejudice should stand at the vanguard of total acceptance.
People who cite Torah as an excuse for bigotry need to be reminded: Two passages from Leviticus mention homosexuality. Though both appear to prohibit the practice, the passages are open to interpretation. Besides, no Jew today lives like the Hebrews of old. It’s time for Judaism to upgrade its social software.
When it comes to dismantling prejudice, the Jewish community is way ahead of the Catholic Church and some Protestant denominations, which remain viciously homophobic. Given today’s political climate, those churches have been emboldened to pursue an anti-gay agenda beyond doctrinal affairs and into the legislative arena.
So who’s gonna stop them? The LGBT community is doing all it can, but it needs allies.
If not us, who?
Let us Jews , we “people of challah,” be the champions of this civil rights battle. Let our community get its act together on the sanctity of gay unions and fight the haters. Because if we permit them to further erode equality for gays and lesbians, I’m telling you, we’re next.
Dan Pine lives and kvetches in Albany. He can be reached at [email protected].