“Take Me Out To The Seder”
(To the tune of “Take Me Out to the Ballgame!”)
Take me out to the seder
Take me out with the crowd.
Feed me some matzah and chicken legs,
I don’t care for the hard-boiled eggs.
And it’s root, root, root for Elijah
That he will soon reappear.
And let’s hope, hope, hope that we’ll meet
Once again next year!
Lost at sea
A Palo Alto couple is finally taking their first trip to Israel on El Al.
A few hours into the flight, the captain announces: “Ladies and gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning, and I’m going to have to land this plane on an uncharted island.”
A passenger turns to his wife and asks, “Honey, did we pay our synagogue dues before we left?”
“Oh no, I forgot,” she responds.
“How about the kids’ day school tuition?” he asks.
“Oy vey, I never sent the check!” she exclaims.
“And did you remember to send our federation pledge?”
“I haven’t sent that one, either!” she wails.
The husband bursts into laughter. His wife is hysterical. “We’re going to be stranded on an island! Just what is so funny?”
The husband replies, “Don’t worry, they’ll find us!”
Family nachas
The first Jewish woman president is elected. She calls her mother: “Mama, I’ve won the election. You’ve got to come to the swearing-in ceremony.”
“I don’t know, what would I wear?”
“Don’t worry. I’ll send you a dressmaker.”
“But I only eat kosher food.”
“Mama, I’m going to be president. I can get you kosher food.”
“But how will I get there?”
“I’ll send a limo. Just come, Mama.”
“OK, if it makes you happy.”
The big day comes and Mama is seated between the Supreme Court justices and the future Cabinet members. She nudges the gentleman on her right.
“You see that girl, the one with her hand on the Bible? Her brother’s a doctor!”