Since her son was younger than many of his friends, Gail Anthony Greenberg had a chance to see lots of b’nai mitzvah ceremonies and parties. And as his bar mitzvah approached, she knew she wanted something more meaningful than the “Groundhog Day syndrome,” an uninspiring repetition with nothing special to separate one event from another.
“MitzvahChic: A New Approach to Hosting a Bar or Bat Mitzvah That Is Meaningful, Hip, Relevant, Fun and Drop Dead Gorgeous” — Greenberg’s self-published contribution to b’nai mitzvah lit — was “born out of necessity,” she said in a telephone interview. Finding no books that addressed her concerns, she wrote one herself in an attempt to incorporate spirituality into the post-service parties.
The title “came to me in a dream,” she said of her desire to mesh reverence and spirituality with the fun of what is, after all, still a birthday celebration.
“You can do both,” she said. “And when you put it all together, it’s glamorous and fun.”
Greenberg, who attends Kol Ami, a Reform congregation in Cheltenham Township near Philadelphia, has a different slant on “themes” for b’nai mitzvah. She suggests incorporating the Torah portion and mitzvah project, as well as the child’s interests, into the party. Working with the last aspect alone, she says, “doesn’t always satisfy on an emotional level. Let’s not just keep doing Hollywood, shopping [or] themes that aren’t that personal.”
She shuddered over one staple of b’nai mitzvah parties. “The candlelighting ceremony is excruciating to sit through and dismissive of too many people. You need to honor people all through the ceremony and service.” She advocates making all guests, not just close relatives and friends, feel treasured.
However, many adults are “afraid to stray from the formula. I know there’s a world of people out there who will never go in this [different] direction.”
While much of her book deals with the myriad aspects of planning the party, Greenberg devotes a good deal of space to the “Basics of the Service,” and even has a chapter titled “For the Non-Jewish Parent.”
A companion Web site (www.mitzvahchic.com) offers dozens of additional suggestions and links, and features a forum where visitors can ask questions. One of the most heartrending, she said, came from a woman who had not been expected to live to see her son become a bar mitzvah. Would it be OK to talk about that in her speech, the mother wanted to know.
“That was the first time I realized I wasn’t just fooling around, giving party ideas,” Greenberg recalled. “There are really big issues. It gave me a very serious feeling about how much respect and deference I needed to show, not just how to decorate for a hockey theme.
“People are recognizing that enough’s enough — this event has got to evolve in a more satisfying, yet fun, way.”