Ki Teitzei
Deuteronomy 21:10-25:19
Isaiah 54:1-10
The chain of Torah and the chain of tears are present at every bar or bat mitzvah ceremony. Week after week I witness our children growing up. I hear our b’nai mitzvah speak about making choices and taking responsibility. Each week we insure the continuity of the Jewish people as we lovingly place the Torah into the next child’s hands.
It is amazing to think that such a powerful ritual takes place during one of the most challenging times in a young person’s life. We all know that 13 is a difficult age.
Our tradition confronts the challenges of age 13 head-on. This week’s Torah portion, Ki Teitzei, contains a series of diverse laws, most of which aim at impressing moral values on the Israelite community. According to Maimonides, the portion contains a total of 72 mitzvahs. One of these — dealing with the treatment of a defiant and rebellious son — became the center of a great talmudic dispute.
Deuteronomy 21:18 says that the father and mother of a “wayward and defiant son” are instructed to bring him before the elders of his town. “Thereupon the men of the town shall stone him to death.” Clearly, the Torah viewed such a child as a threat to the moral and social order. Rashi commented that the stubborn and rebellious son is punished not for what he is, but for what he will eventually become.
The Talmud, though, had difficulty with this law. The rabbis’ response was to legislate it out of existence: A minor cannot become a rebellious son; he must not be old enough to be a father; it must be a son and not a daughter; the parents must bring the son together to the elders and must be of “identical” mind and stature. Essentially, they created conditions that are impossible to meet!
The limitation on the boy’s age is especially intriguing. The sages conclude that there is only a very brief period between when a boy is still considered a minor and when he is legally an adult. We come to see that the window here, the only time that this law might apply, is the age of bar mitzvah. The Talmud points out what we already know: that 13 is a vulnerable time for young people, a time of separation and experimentation.
Jewish wisdom recognizes the need for a powerful ritual precisely during this precarious time. My colleague Rabbi Laura Geller teaches that through the ritual of bar or bat mitzvah, “we try to teach our young people that to be an adult means to be part of something bigger than yourself, a tradition that calls on us to make a difference in the world, where we are responsible for our actions, where what we do in the world really matters.”
Just when teens must float through a sea of peer pressure and physical and emotional angst, Judaism offers them a different kind of message. When 13-year-olds would often feel very alone, Judaism welcomes them with open arms as new young adult members into our community. We embrace them, show our love and support, and help them make good choices.
The debate in the Talmud continues, “The stoning of a wayward and defiant son never happened and never will.” Then why was this law put in the Torah, the Talmud asks? The rabbis answer: It was put there so we could study it and receive reward for our learning. But then one rabbi says: You are wrong — it did happen once!
The minority opinion cautions us that we, the parents, teachers, rabbis, congregations, in fact the whole Jewish community, have an obligation to stand by our youth. It is our responsibility to create a caring community where they can feel at home, so that they will want to continue their connection to the temple and to Jewish life beyond b’nai mitzvah. It is in our hands to make sure that the punishment “never happened and never will.”
Rabbi Karen S. Citrin is the associate rabbi at Reform Peninsula Temple Beth El in San Mateo.