Mark Friedlander and Jeff Schindler first got hitched in a domestic partnership ceremony in the ’90s.
Then they got married four years ago during San Francisco’s so-called Winter of Love, organized by San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom.
Then in July, it was wedding No. 3.
“The third time should be the charm,” Friedlander said. “Frankly, I think our friends are getting a little tired of this.”
Three is a somewhat magic number for the San Francisco couple. Before they actually became one, their paths crossed three times in three different locations throughout California.
In the early ’70s, Schindler lived next door to Friedlander’s grandmother, Ann, in Los Angeles. Seven years later, Schindler and Friedlander attended San Francisco State University and lived in the same dormitory. And after college, each took a position at the Jewish Home in San Francisco, a place they credit with finally bringing them together.
Not that it was love at first sight.
“Of course, we had never spoken to each other, so it was a bit awkward when I realized that [Jeff] had no idea who I was,” Friedlander said. Schindler added that their union was beshert and, like most men, “I needed a brick to hit me over the head to pay attention.”
Something old: Schindler wore his father’s Jewish star and carried a photo of his deceased parents in his pocket. “My parents loved [Mark], and I felt their presence and love throughout the ceremony,” Schindler said.
Friedlander chose to hold an anniversary gift that his grandmother gave to his grandfather more than 50 years ago. “Both Jeff and I are keenly aware of who we are as Jewish men, where we come from and the debt we owe to our parents, grandparents and ancestors,” Friedlander said.
Something new: “If you didn’t go to a gay or lesbian wedding in the summer of 2008, you missed the hottest ticket in town,” Friedlander said.
Having their ceremony in California, complete with the legal rights and privileges afforded to straight couples, was a historic and culturally significant moment that every guest appreciated, Friedlander and Schindler said.
Something borrowed: Well, not at this wedding. “After living together for 25 years, the last thing we needed was to borrow anything from anyone,” Friedlander joked.
In fact, the couple tried to give away their possessions to anyone who came to their home for the wedding.
Friedlander said the four “somethings” did come up in conversation during the wedding plans, but neither he nor Schindler wanted to replicate a heterosexual union or be known as “superstitious blushing brides.”
Something Jew(ish): The couple wanted a service and ceremony that acknowledged and paid respect to their Jewish ancestry, and celebrated their lives together.
A cherished friend married them under a chuppah held by four important people in their lives: their respective sisters Mary and Cathy, and good friends JoAnn and Linda.
As for the breaking of the glass, Friedlander gives all the credit to his husband. “Jeff broke the glass because he was wearing hard shoes and I was wearing sandals.”