The tale of Irving
Irving goes into a restaurant and orders latkes. When they come, he complains that they do not look good and he changes his order to blintzes. After he eats the blintzes, he stands up and starts to leave the restaurant.
“Wait a second,” the manager shouts after him. “You have not paid for your blintzes.”
“What are you talking about?” Irving says. “Those blintzes were an even exchange. I gave you the potato latkes for them.”
“Yes,” says the manager, “but you did not pay for the latkes either.”
“Why should I pay for them?” asks Irving. “I didn’t eat them.”
Sarah Palin calling
“Hi. This is Sarah Palin. Is Senator Lieberman in?”
“No, ma’am, he’s not. This is Yom Kippur.”
“Well, can I leave a message, Mr. Kippur?”
Competitive spirit
Four Jewish ladies are playing bridge in an assisted-living facility in San Francisco.
Bette sighs and says, “Oy …”
Freda nods, sighs and says, “Oy vey.”
Kitty says, “Oy vey is meer.”
Dina chimes in: “OK, enough talk about the children already. Let’s get back to the game.”
An ancient problem
A Jewish businessman in Chicago sent his son to Israel for a year to absorb the culture. When the son returned, he said, “Papa, I had a great time in Israel. By the way, I converted to Christianity.”
“Oy vey,” said the father. “What have I done?”
He took his problem to his best friend, Ike.
“Ike,” he said, “I sent my son to Israel, and he came home a Christian. What can I do?”
“Funny you should ask,” said Ike. “The same thing happened to me. Perhaps we should go see the rabbi.”
So they did, and the rabbi said, “Funny you should ask. I, too, sent my son to Israel, and he also came home a Christian. What is happening to our young people?”
And so they all prayed, telling the Lord about their sons.
As they finished their prayer, a voice came from the heavens: “Funny you should ask,” said the voice.
“I, too, sent my son to Israel …”