Being neurotic about one’s looks is not solely a Jewish trait, according to three Jewish clinicians who should know.
Plastic surgeon Dr. Lorne Rosenfield, dermatologist Dr. Kathy Fields and social worker Victoria Love, with Jewish Family and Children’s Services regional director David Reinstein as moderator, addressed the topic “Jewish Women, Self-Image, and the Quest for Perfection” on a recent rainy evening at the Hillsborough home of Carol and Bob Tessler.
The event, called “Whose Ideal is this Anyway?” was sponsored by the North Peninsula Women’s Alliance of the S.F.-based Jewish Community Federation. Federation volunteers Phyllis Tankel and Cynthia Wornick chaired the event, which drew 60 women from their 20s to their 70s.
When Reinstein wondered whether Jewish women have different self-image problems than non-Jews, Rosenfield responded, “I have a sneaky suspicion that we’re overrating this as a strictly Jewish concern.”
The chief of the department of Plastic Surgery at Mills-Peninsula Hospital, Rosenfield said self-image woes are universal.
“We see all the same things with all the ethnic groups,” he said.
He added, however, that the Jewish tendency to be introspective may enhance our concerns about self.
Fields, a clinical instructor at UCSF School of Medicine, agreed. In her private practice, she said, she sees women from the Philippines and India who are dissatisfied with their noses or hips — just like many Jewish women.
It is common for Jews, who are immigrants or descended from immigrants, to want to look like other Americans, said Love.
And Love, a JFCS counselor who specializes in eating disorders, said many Jews tend to be perfectionists who direct that trait toward their appearance.
Then there’s the food issue, she said. In Jewish life food is used both for comfort and as a gathering ritual, but it conflicts with the American ideal of lean, lanky women.
When she grew up in New York, “obsessing about weight and wondering whether my nose was too big” were common worries, Love said.
Even though many Jewish women do not fit the stereotype of dark skin, dark curly hair and rounded — if not zaftig — proportions, it’s still the look one thinks of as Jewish, Love said.
And these are traits that produce negative, or at best ambivalent responses.
Noting that the average model weighs 23 percent less than the natural weight for her height, Fields presented a slide of a plumpish, natural-looking Elizabeth Taylor taken in a social situation.
She contrasted this with the touched-up thinner look Taylor presented in ads designed to sell her perfume.
Rosenfield showed one slide with the aphorism, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” Then came another, which Rosenfield called the real truth, “Beauty is in the mind of the beholder.”
“It’s an emotional experience,” he said.
As a result, plastic surgery alters people both physically and psychologically, he said. Rosenfield joked that the Talmud teaches, “Plastic surgery effects physical enhancement that begets psychological benefits.”
The panelists also agreed there is a double standard about beauty when it comes to men and women.
A balding, wrinkled Sean Connery can be called the sexiest man in the world. Yet, Fields asked, can you imagine a wrinkled older woman being called the sexiest woman in the world?
However, women have the upper hand in another area, the experts said. While cosmetic changes are becoming acceptable for women, men are still looked at askance if they admit to have undergone plastic surgery.