Keeping it kosher
Rabbi Silver is walking home from synagogue when he sees one of his good friends, the pious and learned Rabbi Althouse, walk into a non-kosher Chinese restaurant.
Standing at the door, Rabbi Silver observes his friend talking to a waiter and gesturing at a menu. A short time later, the waiter reappears carrying orders of spare ribs, shrimp in lobster sauce and crab rangoon.
As Rabbi Althouse picks up the chopsticks and begins to eat this food, Rabbi Silver can’t take it anymore, so he bursts into the restaurant.
“Morris,” he exclaims. “What is this you are doing? I saw you come into this restaurant, order this filth and now you are eating it in violation of everything we are taught about the dietary laws and with an apparent enjoyment that does not befit your pious reputation!”
Morris replies, “Rabbi, did you see me enter this restaurant?”
Rabbi Silver nods yes.
“Did you see me order this meal?”
Again, he nods yes.
“Did you see the waiter bring me this food?”
Yes again.
“And did you see me eat it?”
Yes.
“Then, rabbi, I don’t see the problem here. The entire meal was done under rabbinical supervision!”
New premise
David is telling a new joke to Yossi.
“Yitzhak and Hymie were talking one day …”
Right away, Yossi interrupts him. “Always with the Jewish jokes. Give it a rest! Why do your jokes always have to be about Jews? Just change the names to another ethnic group for once, will you?”
So David starts again. “OK, Ichiro and Hideki were talking one day at their nephew’s bar mitzvah …”
The bigger cheese
Dov Goldstein — the big boss at his Silicon Valley high-tech company — was complaining in the staff meeting that he wasn’t getting any respect. The next day, he brings in a small sign that reads:
“I’M THE BOSS!”
He tapes it to his office door.
Later that day, when he returns from lunch, he finds that someone has taped a note to the sign that says:
“Your wife called and she wants her sign back!”