They say, “Diamonds are a girl’s best friend,” and being a girl, I can quickly agree that diamonds are beautiful, sparkly, symbolic, awesome and happily accepted on most occasions.
But how do diamonds and other jewelry fit into a Jewish wedding, with all of its laws, customs and traditions?
While most people know about the chuppah and the breaking of the glass, there are a number of practices related to jewelry that you might want to incorporate into your special day as well.
Jewelry-free ceremony
A diamond engagement ring is the norm in most circles, but there is a custom for the bride and groom to walk down the aisle sans any bling.
This is done so that the couple focuses on the reason for their wedding — each other — and not any material object that may be along for the ride.
The bride removes her jewelry right before the ceremony, and it has become customary for the bride to entrust her single girlfriends to hold the jewelry for her during the ceremony. It is considered an honor and a bestowment of a blessing that they should find their husbands quickly.
Here’s a tip: Write each friend’s name and the piece of jewelry you will be giving them on an envelope. Have your closest friend pass out the jewelry and hold on to the envelopes, so that she will know who has what and can quickly retrieve it before the next set of pictures.
The plain wedding band
Many Jewish weddings, especially in Orthodox circles, have a one-band ceremony, not an exchange.
There are some who simply like to say that the ring is symbolic of the marriage ahead — smooth and unending. But according to Torah law, the groom must provide an object of value to the bride in order to complete the marriage agreement. The status of a woman changes to that of a betrothed when she accepts the ring from the groom.
Many rabbis require that a plain band without any stones or etching is used for the ceremony. While it may be hard to believe, rabbis were worried that if the bride had entered into the marriage motivated by an intricate ring lined with diamonds, and she finds out that the stones were not real, there would be grounds for invalidating the marriage. Therefore, a plain band whose value is relatively obvious is used.
The ring must also be owned by the groom at the time of the wedding. It cannot be borrowed.
Forefinger vs. ring finger
At this pivotal moment in life and at the ceremony, the groom places the ring on the bride’s forefinger. It is said that this finger connects directly to the heart.
While after the ceremony most brides switch the wedding band over to the ring finger, where else but closest to her heart should it be at that special time? Brides who choose to have a one-band ceremony but wish for the groom to wear a wedding ring often give it to him as a gift later that night.
Three-carat anniversary band
No custom exists for this quite yet, but I guarantee it will be totally appreciated!
Amy Dubitsky wrote this piece for the Jewish News of Greater Phoenix.