If you have spent any time with Israelis, especially in Israel, you know that they are much more comfortable discussing the price of things than we are — so much so that a guidebook, in Hebrew, for visiting the U.S. says (and I’m paraphrasing someone else’s translation), “When you go into someone’s home, it is OK to compliment the home, but do not ask how much the family paid for it.”
When I was in Israel last summer, a mall security guard who kindly took our picture liked our camera and asked me how much I paid. What could I do? I told him.
With that in mind, for this article, I’m going to tell you what I paid for my daughter’s bat mitzvah party dress; for her dress for the service; and for my two dresses, too. When I started to total up the clothing costs (for just us girls, mind you, not even the boys), I started repeating to myself ad nauseum: Really? Really?
So here goes: My party dress I got at Bloomingdale’s, on the charity ticket day they have every fall so that I would get 20 percent off. So my reasonably priced black sparkly number was even more reasonable at $144. The only alteration it needed was a hem. I found a-mah-zing shoes to match for $200, because the shoes I had that I wanted to wear weren’t the right mood. I justified the shoes because I will truly get a lot of use out of them; they’re versatile and won’t collect dust in my closet.
I wasn’t so lucky with my service dress. I don’t love myself in suits. I wore them in my 20s to feel older, and now they make me feel, well, older. And in fall/winter 2010-11 collections, no one ever heard of sleeves, so finding a dress was like trying to find a Jew at a tent revival meeting — not a lot of selection.
Then I found a great silk dress with a modest silhouette (read: actual sleeves and a jewel neckline) for $398, plus a $20 nip/tuck. I had to take a deep breath and say to heck with it, I look good in it, and it works for me, because I don’t usually buy dresses in that price point. Um, now that I think of it, other than my wedding dress, it’s the most expensive dress I’ve ever owned. Shoes I had, but they’re pretty new, bought in the fall for about $150. I still needed a hat.
OK, now we’re up to the bat mitzvah girl, Talia. While shopping for me, she saw a pretty purple strapless number and begged to try it on. Before she entered the fitting room, she had to repeat after Mommy that if purchased, straps would be sewn on. There are like seven or more reasons — enough for another article — why I feel 12-year-olds should not be in strapless dresses. Or stripper heels; don’t get me started on those.
Anyway, of course it fit her like a glove and made her look like the tall column she is. We bought it for $168. I thought that was a little pricey, but still OK. She has (little) black heels purchased in early fall for $79. She was a little disappointed that she wasn’t getting new(er) shoes, but she understood.
The service dress shopping was a low-level battle. She wanted basically another party dress. “I’ll put a black sweater over it, Mommy.” Oh no you won’t. After searching through store after store over four months (and rolling my own eyes at some of the price tags), I caved and took her where “everyone” goes, a store I had been avoiding because I knew that their dresses are not inexpensive.
Because we went 46 days before the bat mitzvah, the owner found several dress and jacket ensembles off the rack that were appropriate, which of course Talia would have none of (the brown with pink dots? No dots, Mommy. The light blue that made her look 15? Wrong shade of blue).
What did she want? The satin party dresses that we could order a jacket for. OK, fine, I relented, because she’s cute and sometimes she should have what she wants just because.
Then of course my first choice was her second choice, and vice versa. I caved again, because it’s her day. Aqua satin it was: $240, plus $90 for the jacket. I would cue the record-scratch-sound, but I am now worn down — $330 for a 12-year-old?
The fact that we could afford it aside (we are blessed with that, and I would never go into hock to pay for any part of this weekend), it’s too much! Basically, I bought my first $300 dress at about age 37, and she got hers at age 12? Really? Really?
I ended up yelling at her on the ride home for touching the radio when really I was angry at just having spent that amount of money on a kid’s dress.
Alia Ramer is a freelance writer and editor who lives in Maplewood, N.J. Her daughter’s bat mitzvah was Feb. 19. This article is taken from Our Tribe and Joy, www.njjewishnews.com/tribe, the blog Ramer writes for New Jersey Jewish News.