What happens in Bloomingdale’s
My incredible shrinking yet extroverted Jewish mother went clothes shopping. She told me, “In the dressing area a young woman — your age — was trying on a dress. I said, ‘That looks really nice on you.’
‘You think so?’ she replied. ‘I’m not sure I like it.’
‘No, really. It’s slimming, and it brings out the color in your eyes.’
‘Wow, thanks.’”
Later, she was waiting to pay, and happened to be behind the same woman, whose friend asked her if she was going to buy that dress.
“I don’t know. I’m not sure it’s right for me, but this little old lady in the dressing room was raving about it.”
My mother straightened herself up to her full 4 feet, 10 inches, cleared her throat and announced, “I may be little, and I am a lady. But I’m not old!”
michael schulman | www.manforallseasonings.com
A publicist for Moses
Moses: “How are we going to get across the sea? The Egyptians are close behind us!”
General of the army: “Normally, I’d recommend that we build our own bridge to carry us across. But there’s not enough time for that.”
Admiral of the navy: “Normally, I’d recommend that we build barges to carry us across. But time is too short.”
Public relations officer: “I don’t have a solution, but I can promise you this: If you can find a way out of here, I’ll get you two or three pages in the Bible!”
www.beliefnet.com
Better news
Morley is riding the subway reading an Arab newspaper. A friend of his, Marty, who happens to be riding in the same subway car, notices this strange phenomenon. Very upset, he approaches the newspaper reader.
“Morley, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading an Arab newspaper?”
Morley replies, “I used to read the Jewish newspaper, but what did I find? Jews being persecuted, Israel being attacked, Jews disappearing through assimilation and intermarriage, Jews living in poverty. So I switched to the Arab newspaper. Now what do I find? Jews own all the banks, Jews control the media, Jews are all rich and powerful, Jews rule the world. The news is so much better!”