Israelis have become experts in learning to grieve

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JERUSALEM — Sixteen-year-old Shelley Ben-Yehuda did not know any of the 73 soldiers killed in last week's helicopter crash, but that did not stop her from mourning.

"I was affected by what happened, just like everyone else," says the high school junior, who will be drafted into the army in two years.

Recalling her initial reaction to the Feb. 4 accident, she says, "The first thing I worried about was who was on the helicopters. I checked every single person I could think of. I started making frantic phone calls and talked to their parents.

"Some of the parents had to wait the whole night to hear that everything was OK. Some of them were really hysterical. At tough times like these, I just want to escape for a while, but I know you can't escape your feelings."

According to many of the country's experts on grief management, Ben-Yehuda's response to the accident is typical of the way Israelis respond to national tragedies.

Although Israel is not the only nation to experience large-scale traumas, most professionals here concur that Israelis encounter more tragedy, and live with more stress, than citizens of other developed countries.

The fact that the country is so small, and the people so close-knit, only adds to the suffering, they say.

Israelis are "very integrated, so the impact of an event, whether good or bad, is much more dramatic than in most other countries," says Shlomo Breznitz, a psychology professor at Haifa University.

In a country of only 5.7 million citizens, Breznitz says, "the chances of knowing someone who knows someone are very, very high."

For this reason, Breznitz adds, "if something happens, it becomes extremely important to learn the [victims'] names. If you don't know them personally, chances are you are close to someone who does."

Israelis have become experts in grief management because of the many wars, terrorist attacks and traumas they have suffered over the years, according to crisis-intervention specialist Avigdor Klingman, also a Haifa University professor.

Klingman maintains that Israel is uniquely equipped to handle large-scale crises. "Stress and grief management take place on the organizational level in Israel, so people know they don't have to cope alone. We've developed a protocol, and it has been successful."

In addition to special emergency teams maintained by the Israel Defense Force and several civilian organizations, the Education Ministry is prepared to offer assistance.

Working on the assumption that even the youngest children are affected by a national tragedy — either because their parents are upset or because they have heard something on the radio or television — the Education Ministry urges teachers to encourage children to express their feelings.

"It can be through drawings, play-acting, writing condolences to the bereaved families or the IDF," says Klingman. "Children, like adults, need an outlet. What's important is not to force it."

To help children, adults must first deal with their own feelings, he says. "We tell teachers to express their own reactions, but without exaggeration or dramatization".