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When family counselor Barbara Nelson and her husband were about to become parents in 1981, they wanted the new child to strengthen their relationship, rather than distance them. To ease the transition, they participated in a U.C. Berkeley group study that made them aware of the growing pains their marriage might go through.

They attended an eight-week group and were monitored twice a year for three years.

"We learned better communication skills and applied it as things came up in our lives," Nelson said. "It was an opportunity to discuss and plan how we wanted to be…like making time for each other as a couple, how to split up the work [of child care] and what impact our own families of origin had on our ideas about bringing up our own children."

Nelson, who is a licensed clinical social worker and marriage family and child counselor with Jewish Family and Children Services of the East Bay, said many couples fail to address critical issues before they get married.

Yet concerns about children, sex, money and in-laws don't necessarily get resolved on their own, as evidenced by the rising divorce rate. That's why Nelson will be leading a new 10-week workshop in Berkeley called "Making Marriage Work," beginning Monday, Jan. 26.

"Rather than go on auto-pilot into a marriage," she said, "a workshop could make you aware so you don't [automatically] do what your parents did."

Developed by Sylvia Weishaus and Rabbi Aaron Wise 20 years ago at the University of Judaism in Los Angeles, the workshop is intended for couples who are recently married, engaged or considering getting married. It is not designed for couples whose marriages are in need of therapy.

The JFCS workshop, co-sponsored by the East Bay Council of Rabbis, will bring together six to 12 couples to work with Nelson, who brings along 15 years of family and couples counseling experience. She recently participated in a two-day training session with Weishaus, which gave her a fresh perspective on dealing with marital issues.

Two of the 10 sessions will be facilitated by a rabbi and another will be led by a financial adviser. Some of the topics include "The Art of Communication," "Sexuality and Marriage," "Dual Career Couples" and "How Jewish Life Can Strengthen Your Marriage."

"Making Marriage Work" is now being offered in such areas as San Jose and Philadelphia, and is in the works at the S.F.-based JFCS. What appealed to the East Bay JFCS about the curriculum is that "it's a very positive program," Nelson said. "It operates on the belief that people can resolve a lot of issues and have a better relationship if they communicate early about the issues that are difficult to talk about."

The workshop uses lectures, exercises, discussions and couple-only talks in an effort to improve communication and build trust. "Those are two key elements in a successful long-term relationship," Nelson said.

Evaluations from Weishaus' Southern California workshops cite positive results. Nina Kleenert called the seminar "a bonding experience…It gives you the basics of how to start off on the right foot and how to have a Jewish home. "

Suzanne Engler wrote that she found the class "a thought-provoking, positive way to open the doors of communication. Listening to others share their similar situations was comforting."

Another participant, Janine Lehrer, wrote, "We met nice people at the same point in their lives, with the same problems. We are not alone…We were also inspired to begin creating a Jewish home."

Early in the workshop, participants fill out a questionnaire to help uncover and understand their own backgrounds and how their family environment shaped current relationship behavior.

Nelson expects the rabbi's sessions will explore what it means to have a Jewish marriage and family, and how such practices as sharing Shabbat can bring couples closer. "They can slow down, take time out to focus on each other, light candles, have a nice dinner," she said. "It's not just a romantic evening. It's connecting to a community that's bigger than yourself as a couple."

The topic of sexuality, from a Jewish perspective, is also part of the course. The text guide of the workshop uses Jewish writings, including the Talmud, to illustrate how the culture reveres women and considers sex to be a holy act.

"I would generate a discussion to see if people agree or disagree with" the writings, Nelson said.