We pay more attention to passing on our possessions than our stories, says Anita Hecht, a personal historian.
Addressing more than 20 people recently at Cafe by the Bay, a weekly social event at San Francisco Towers for survivors of the Shoah, Hecht said, “More of you have written your material wills than your spiritual, ethical, emotional and cultural wills.”
Urging individuals to broaden their legacy through the written or spoken word, Hecht said, “I have some heirlooms from my grandparents and that’s important, but what I really want are their stories.
“Even if you think there’s no one in your life who will be interested, there will be, whether it’s a great-great granddaughter or a historian.”
Hecht, whose business is to help people record their life’s history, offered some how-tos.
The 34-year-old Hecht, who has a home in San Francisco and out of state, said she grew up without her family stories. Her parents were German immigrants who lived for a time in Mexico. Hecht grew up in a Texas border town.
“My parents spoke German to their parents, Spanish to each other and English to me. They closed the door on stories. I understand and respect that, but it left me feeling kind of lost.”
Hecht used her Spanish-speaking abilities to interview elderly men and women living in Mexico, for Steven Spielberg’s Survivors of the Shoah Visual History Foundation. The experience, Hecht said, not only showed her the healing power of stories, but inspired her to start her own business.
“If I had this [a personal history] from my grandparents I’d be soaring in the heavens. I don’t. They all passed away by the time I could ask them these questions.”
No one should feel that their story is too trivial to tell, she said.
“I meet a lot of elderly women who say, ‘I’m not important. My life was simple.’ I think your children don’t feel that way. Your grandchildren certainly won’t feel that way.”
Technology, she added, can connect families who are often miles apart geographically.
“It connects people across the globe. The generations don’t really have a lot of communication. I feel strongly that this is a way back to storytelling.” The technology can range from a simple written document to state-of-the-art video and digital technology.
For those who didn’t know where to start, Hecht gave some sample questions.
“List the 10 most important days of your life, the lessons you’ve learned, regrets, beliefs about God, love, relationships. If you were forced to leave your home, what would you save?
“Don’t only give your possessions to the next generation, but write a story about each one so they know why it’s important.”
Inga Muller, who attended the talk, was sent to London during World War II on a Kindertransport. She spent the duration of the war separated from her parents. For years, she said, she didn’t talk about her experience.
“It was hard for me to even have photos of my family up. I thought that looking at them would make me too sad.”
Now, she said, she would like to leave a personal history for her son.
“I’ve learned that holding this stuff back is detrimental to my health.”
Sheryl Groden, coordinator of the Holocaust Survivor Project at Jewish Family and Children’s Services, says reluctance to tell their stories is a common experience for Shoah survivors.
“I work with a lot of children of Holocaust survivors and many of them say they’re still waiting to hear the stories.”
Said Hecht, “Each generation needs to engage with history and understand it through their own experience.”
Cafe By the Bay is sponsored by the San Francisco Jewish Family and Children’s Services. Recent events have included an accordion and piano concert, a discussion of Allegra Goodman’s “Variant Text” and a talk by local educator Rachel Brodie on being a Jewish educator in Bulgaria.