It’s almost time to begin the annual ritual of mixing and baking those Passover muffins.
You know, the ones made out of matzah farfel that look like blond elephant droppings and have a variety of tastes. Some are too dry and some are hard on the outside but have the consistency of pre-fried matzah brie on the inside.
In any case, here are the Top 10 Uses for Kosher-For-Passover Muffins:
10 — Wrap them and freeze them for next year. No one will ever know the difference.
9 — Feed them to the neighbor’s dog. The one that bit you last month.
8 — Paint them black and use them as ice hockey pucks.
7 — Send them to the National Aeronautics and Space Administration to launch into space for scientific testing. Please send a cautionary note to NASA that if used improperly, a muffin could damage satellite parts. Also note that they might cause weather problems upon re-entry.
6 — Carry them in your pocket to throw at muggers.
5 — Use them as a doorstop.
4 — Craft them into a unique pair of earmuffs.
3 — Give them to anyone who gives you a fruitcake at Christmas.
2 — Carry them on cemetery visits in case you can’t find stones to put by the grave of a loved one.
And the No 1. use for Passover muffins, although it isn’t recommended: Smother them with margarine and eat them.