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On March 29, Reform rabbis will vote whether to affirm and support those members of the Central Conference of American Rabbis who preside at the weddings of two men or two women.

Why is this historic vote happening?

At the most obvious level, there has been a great change in American mores and ethics about sex-gender sexuality. For one, more people have actually discovered that their children, siblings, friends or parents are gay.

So from direct observation they see the depth of the loving connections and how preventing gays and lesbians from marrying is a denial of equal rights.

But then, as custodians of a 3,000-year-old tradition, let us go one step further: Why are the ethics and mores changing? Is this a mere fad or something deep enough to change Jewish tradition?

For the Reform movement, which does not see itself as bound by halachah (Jewish law), the decision arises from a modern view of ethics and the modern sense of individual conscience. From this perspective, the verse of Leviticus 18: 22, which seems to proclaim gay male sex an abomination, is not decisive.

There are some Jews who, after wrestling with Leviticus and halachah, have decided to affirm the potential sacredness of same-gender sexuality. Most of these people take one of three approaches to the tradition inherited from Leviticus 18:

*Some argue that the text had no knowledge about, and therefore could not forbid, serious and stable same-gender relationships. Leviticus is, perhaps, about idolatrous sexual rituals — and especially does not apply to same-gender marriage.

*Others assert that homosexuals are "compelled" to their orientation by their genes or very early imprinting and therefore come under the category of halachah called ones, in which people are not punished for disobeying commandments if they are being compelled to violate them.

*Others say the text, on close examination, cannot anatomically mean what it seems to say: "A male shall not lie with a male as with a woman." How could that happen anyway? So, the text must be reinterpreted. Perhaps it means: "Do not pretend to be heterosexual when you are not. Come out of the closet."

But I want to suggest a much different view, which accepts what I think is the reality — that in our generation we are affirming a sexual ethic different from the one put forward in the past.

At the same time, I argue that this new ethic is deeply rooted in the Torah's intention for our generation.

Indeed, I would call my own view "neo-halachic," rather than "non-halachic." That is, I think we have a positive obligation to encourage the use of marriage as a form of sacred expression of same-gender sexuality, just as I think we have the obligation to encourage marriage as a form of sacred heterosexual sexuality.

In my view, our forebears supported a sexual ethic that stood on three pillars:

*Men rule over women in each household as they do in the society at large. Men are to act graciously and to please women (sexually, economically, etc.) but from a position of power.

*The main intent of sexuality is to procreate.

*Sex is sacred and its pleasures are sacred — but only within the specific boundaries based on the previous two points.

Gay and lesbian sexual relationships are not as likely to lead to procreation as male-female sex. So they probably violate the pillar of procreation.

And for different reasons, they break the pillar of male domination.

I believe that the biblical and rabbinic minds were boggled at the notion of two human beings, each of whom was supposed to be dominant, being thrown together in a relationship. Two parties, each of which was supposed to be dominating the other, would blow the ethics computation to smithereens. So gay male relationships were denounced as abominations.

At the same time, having two parties, both of whom were supposed to be submissive, would hardly show up on rabbinic radar. Indeed, the Torah totally ignores lesbian relationships and rabbis view them as a comparatively minor infraction.

But the human race has matured to a point at which neither male denomination nor procreation should any longer be our guide — just as Maimonides asserted that animal sacrifices were God's teaching tool for those who were spiritually infantile and that Jews had sufficiently matured since then.

In our era, I do not believe that God wants us to continue the first two pillars — male domination and procreation.

At this point in our planet's history, both male domination and hyper-procreation are dangerous to society and to the Earth.

So, is there any biblical teaching for a human race that has taken one more step toward maturity?

I suggest we take the Song of Songs as one pointer toward a grown-up sexual ethic.

In this book, sexuality is not shameful as it became in Eden. It is not focused on multiplying children, but instead is a deliciously pleasurable expression of love. The male is not in charge, nor is the woman. There is a delightfully playful equality.

It is true that the Song of Songs is heterosexual. But because it celebrates a kind of loving pleasure in sexuality that is not focused on or delimited by family and procreation, paradoxically it is closer to what some gay and lesbian sexual forms are like than to most heterosexual ones.

In the past generation, we have seen the ghetto walls between gay-lesbian and heterosexual ethics break down. The communities are much less insulated from each other than they used to be.

Even more important, many more people in the gay and lesbian communities are affirming the values of family, while in heterosexual communities the values of loving pleasure without male dominance or an exclusive focus on procreation have become more important.

I suggest that affirming and celebrating marriages of gay and lesbian couples will help us move toward a new sexual ethics that accords with God's continued unfolding in our world.

ALEPH: Alliance for Jewish Renewal is publishing a cross-denominational issue on same-sex Jewish marriage. Information on New Menorah: Send e-mail to [email protected]