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Perhaps the most important provision of Rabbi Steven Fisdel's personalized ketubot deals with the future offspring of a marriage. The couple, even when one partner is not Jewish, must commit to raising the children as Jews.

"My view is similar to the position taken by the Reform movement, that, if either parent is Jewish, the child should be considered a Jew," said the spiritual leader of Congregation B'nai Torah in Antioch.

"Before I will marry them, I need a commitment from a couple, in writing, that the children will be raised Jewish."

Obviously, he cannot always check up on this. He takes it on trust.

"I operate under an ancient assumption that these promises are to be honored and taken seriously. It's not really a promise to me, but a promise to God and we write it into the marriage contract."

Sometimes it filters the prospects out, he said. "They might say, 'Yeah, yeah, we'll do this and that,' but, when I tell them they've got to sign on the dotted line, all of a sudden I don't see them anymore."

He also will marry older couples of different faiths when the issue of children no longer exists. "If I feel that each of the parties is secure in his or her own tradition, I don't have a problem with that," he said.

He relates the story of one such couple, married by him at his former congregation in Chico. They had been living together for several years and decided to marry. The man was Orthodox and the woman, Catholic. While remaining within the church, the wife kept a kosher home and participated in the Jewish holidays.

Given the Jewish-non-Jewish intermarriage rate of some 50 percent, the rabbi believes his way of doing things preserves, rather than weakens, the Jewish people.

"My experience is, if people are looking to get married, they're going to do it anyway," he said. "If I turn my back on them as a representative of Judaism, it's a big-time turnoff. The Jewish partner feels abandoned and the non-Jew feels rejected. I don't see what good that produces.

"By remaining open and welcoming, I am facilitating the Jewish partner to remain in the fold and holding out the possibility of spiritually engaging the non-Jewish partner. That's a win-win situation."

Why go to the trouble of personalizing your ketubah when you can buy a ready-made ketubah at any Judaica store?

Afikomen, for example, sells limited edition lithographs or serigraphs for couples who don't want to pay the high cost of commissioning an original document, handwritten in caligraphy, says owner Jerry Derblich.

The artist's design goes around the outside of the document, leaving room in the center to insert a couple's choice of text.

And they can select from standard texts or write their own.

In fact, both approaches can be combined. While Fisdel works with the couple to create the wording, they, in turn, can visit a Judaica store or an artist to select the design, incorporating their own text. Fisdel does not do the artwork or calligraphy.

"A number of people like the idea of making the ketubah more personal," said Fisdel. "That's a big draw.

"The basic ketubah you can get in the store doesn't express anything on an emotional level. It's a legal document.

"I think the negotiation of the ketubah provisions is the most important part of the marriage process. It helps to define the relationship. A lot of things get articulated as we craft the document on a practical, psychological and emotional level," Fisdel said.

"If people can't do that, I begin to wonder why they are getting married in the first place."