The war wasn’t even a day old. Freeway off-ramps had been blocked, people were “dying” on Market Street and some 1,600 protesters had already been arrested.
Meanwhile, as anti-war marchers carried a Che Guevara banner down Second Street and helicopters hovered overhead, a large crowd of single Jews and a few of their friends gathered March 20 at the South of Market gallery 111 Minna.
Even though the war weighed on their minds, they figured that the night after America attacked Iraq was as good a night as any to try and meet someone new.
“George Bush isn’t worrying about my children,” said Mike Bernstein of San Francisco. “I expressed my political impulses by marching, but I have to balance it with my social life and finding a wife.”
Bernstein was one of about 160 people to show up for the “Spring Fever Soiree” sponsored by JDate.com, the Jewish online dating service. Though JDate events usually attract about 300 singles looking for love, the fact that the war on Iraq had begun the night before no doubt had many deciding to stay home.
“We decided not to cancel [the event],” said Talia Van-Son, JDate’s national events manager, who is based in Los Angeles. Noting that she couldn’t use the war as an excuse not to pay the venue, the caterer and the contortionist hired to entertain party-goers, she added, “Being from Israel, I can say that life has to go on.”
A contortionist? Yes, Stephanie Abrams, a silver bodysuit-clad woman, stood upon a table and bent herself in positions that elicited more than a few gasps and “ouches” from those looking on.
“The whole idea is to give something extra,” said Van-Son. “We try to do events that are more creative than your usual singles activities. We’re trying to break the stigma about singles events and reach people who are interested in the event, and if they meet someone, that’s a plus.”
JDate has already held quite a few gatherings in San Francisco, where Van-Son characterizes the crowd as “sophisticated.” While some who came are involved in the Jewish community, at least in the Bay Area, JDate tends to attract many who would have no other means of meeting a Jewish partner.
Van-Son estimated that about 90 percent of those who attend JDate’s events use the online dating service. But at 111 Minna, quite a few who were present weren’t there to meet a fellow member of the tribe, since they weren’t Jewish themselves.
“I feel like I’m just out anywhere,” said Brenda Ward, 37, of Oakland. “It doesn’t feel any different.” Then laughing, she added, “If it weren’t for Jesus Christ, I’d be Jewish.” Ward dropped by for a drink since her Jewish friend was working the door, and was hanging out with her Jewish friend’s non-Jewish boyfriend.
Van-Son said that many people told her they were happy the event wasn’t canceled. But even though it was a social function, the war seemed to dominate conversation.
“I came in spite of the war, and wanted to run over some of the protesters on my way,” said one man who declined to give his name.
“I’d like to own a timeshare in Iraq in 10 years,” said a like-minded woman, who may have met her match in the would-be protester-smasher.
Lillian Djavaheri of San Francisco asked, “What’s better, being in this atmosphere or being at home in front of the TV? Whatever will happen, will happen. I’m happy I’m here.”
While the war definitely dominated discussions, three teachers for the San Francisco Unified School District commiserated even more about having received pink slips that week.
Others were quite wistful in talking about what the war brought up for them as single people.
One San Francisco woman said that while she talked about the war with her friends and co-workers, it wasn’t the same as having a partner with whom she could discuss it. “War is very traumatic and hard to go through, so it’s harder alone,” she said.
Furthermore, she confessed that she felt a little guilty socializing rather than being out in the streets protesting.
But a South Bay man felt differently. “I’m not going to put my life on hold, and my Jewish values about meeting a Jewish mate are more important. I’m going to block traffic if any cute women try to leave this place,” he joked.
Bernstein added that being single during wartime was definitely not easy.
“The lack of a companion to have support from becomes more apparent during times like this,” he said.
But Wayne Herman of Mill Valley disagreed. “It’s always difficult being single,” he said. “I don’t think the war changes that.”
Herman said the war was on his mind “all the time,” but admitted that “if I’m going to meet a beautiful girl here, then I’m glad I showed up.”
As the night wore on, and more drinks were consumed, groups of people narrowed down into pairs.
One group was observed slipping outside to smoke a joint. And while they were, a peppy woman in a silver VW bug pulled up and asked whether it was fun inside. The war prevented her from coming, she said, but curious, she drove by anyway to see whether it was still going on.
“Well, I’m not coming in now,” she said to the group. “But definitely next time! You guys are some cool Jews!”