Father’s Day was first observed in the United States almost a century ago — www.holidayorigins.com/ html/father_s_day.html — but Judaism long before commanded Jewish children to honor and fear their parents. In his essay “Must I Obey My Parents,” Rabbi Michael Gold explains the importance of the well-known mitzvah of honoring your father, and the lesser-known commandment prohibiting children from sitting in their father’s chair. As to whether Judaism requires them to obey their parents, you’ll have to read the essay, at www.rabbigold.com/faq3.html
So what does the Jewish father owe his children? Here’s a sampling of the responsibilities the rabbis have put on the shoulders of Jewish fathers, at www.uscj.org/item96_99_462.html
*A father should be careful to keep his son from lies, and he should always keep his word to his children. (Talmud Sukkah 46b)
*A father must provide his daughter with appropriate clothing and a dowry. (Code of Jewish Law, Even haEzer 71)
*A father once came to the Baal Shem Tov with a problem concerning his son. He complained that the son was forsaking Judaism and morality and asked the rabbi what he could do. The Baal Shem Tov answered: “Love him more.” (Chassidic tale)
Rabbi Bruce Dollin of Denver’s Hebrew Educational Alliance — www.headenver.org/Sermons/Nasso_5760.htm
— quotes the famous statement that informs a Jewish father that he is “bound regarding his son to circumcise him, redeem him, teach him Torah, take a wife for him, and teach him a craft. Some say, to teach him to swim as well.” Dollin points out that nowadays, the Jewish father has delegated most of those responsibilities to others. But in actuality, he says the statement points to deeper truths. For example, “maybe teaching our children to swim is really a metaphor. Fathers are obligated to show their children how to swim, perhaps, in the sea of life.”
I have come across several moving essays in which Jewish children remember their fathers. I recommend “A Story of Jewish Fathers, Angels and Poinsettias” by
Sara Levinsky Rigler at
www.spiritualsisters.com/messages/518.html
The Aish HaTorah site — www.aish.com/family/heart
— has a couple of touching stories, including “Father’s Day and Raw Eggs” by Jenna Tasky, and “A Face in the Window,” in which Rabbi Yaakov Salomon remembers his teary father peering through the window of his summer camp bus just so that he could savor one more glimpse of his son.
In “Honoring Our Fathers” — www.beliefnet.com/story/81/story_8168.html
— Rabbi Daniel Brenner of CLAL: The National Jewish Center for Learning and Leadership has these thoughts:
*Honor your father’s history. What events shaped his life?
*Honor your father’s outlook. What have you learned from him?
*Honor your father’s dreams. What of his hopes for you, whether realized yet or not?
Brenner says, “On Father’s Day, we honor our fathers not by comparing them to some ideal but by acknowledging them for who they really are. We pause to reflect on their history, remember the challenges they faced, and meditate on what they taught us along the way. In that, we truly live by the words ‘Honor thy Father’…”