Berel, Cherel

and Shmerel

Three Eastern European Jews named Berel, Cherel and Shmerel were talking about moving to the U.S.

Says Berel: “When I move to America, I’m going to have to change my name. They won’t call me Berel anymore; they’ll call me Buck.”

Says Cherel: “When I move to America, I’ll also have to change my name. They’ll call me Chuck.”

They look at Shmerel.

“I’m not moving,” he says.

The visitor

One afternoon, Moishe Shlabowitz was walking in Golden Gate Park when, to his utter amazement, a small spaceship landed in front of him. As he stared at it, a beautiful alien emerged from the UFO and walked toward him. He couldn’t believe it — she looked just like a typical human woman. She told him, in perfect English, that she was an ambassador from Venus and that she had come specifically to learn more about Earth and its customs.

Being single, Moishe offered at once to escort her around San Francisco and asked her if they had nightclubs on Venus. She replied, “What are nightclubs?”

So Moishe took her to the hottest restaurant in the city, where they enjoyed an excellent meal.

Then Moishe took her to the trendiest club South of Market. She was a quick learner and soon was dancing just like the other women there. They spent the rest of the evening dancing together and talking about the differences between Earth and Venus. At midnight, Maurice took her back to his flat to show her his “stamp collection.”

As they were admiring his “stamps,” Maurice asked her whether Venusians liked to make love. “Of course we do,” she replied with a cheeky smile. So the two of them went into his bedroom and began to undress.

Moishe soon noticed that she had green dots on her chest, a blue square instead of a navel and hundreds of small yellow happy faces in her intimate regions.

“Do all Venusians have green dots, a blue square and little happy faces on their bodies?” he asked.

“No, not the gentiles,” she replied.