Boys and girls

What do you call an uncircumcised Jewish baby?

A girl.

Who is the best?

Moishe is going on holiday to Cyprus. He arrives at Heathrow, gets into the scheduled Boeing 747 and takes his seat.

As he looks back down the aisle, he notices the most beautiful woman he has ever seen boarding the plane. Moishe is nervous as he sees her walking down the aisle toward him. But to his delight, she takes the seat right next to him. He is soon anxious to begin a conversation.

Moishe asks her, “Where are you going?”

She responds, “To the annual Nymphomaniac Convention in Cyprus.”

Moishe is crazy with excitement. Here is a gorgeous woman sitting next to him, and she’s going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!

“And what will you do at this meeting?” he asks.

“Well,” she says, “we try to solve some of the popular myths about sexuality.”

“And what myths are those?” Moishe continues desperately.

She explains, “Well, one popular myth is that African men are the most well-endowed, when in fact, the Native American man is. Also, it is widely believed that the Frenchman is the best lover, but actually men of Jewish descent make the best lovers.”

“Very interesting …” Moishe responds.

Suddenly, the woman becomes very embarrassed and blushes. “I’m sorry,” she says. “I just feel so awkward discussing this with you when I don’t even know you! What is your name?”

Moishe extends his hand and replies, “Running Deer. Running Deer Goldstein.”

A lotion notion

What’s the name of facial lotion made for Jews?

Oil of Oy Vey.

A praying man

A journalist, assigned to the Jerusalem bureau, takes an apartment overlooking the Western Wall. Every day when she looks out, she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously. So, the journalist goes down and introduces herself to the old man.

She asks, “You come every day to the Wall. How long have you done that and what are you praying for?”

The old man replies, “I have come here to pray every day for 25 years. In the morning I pray for world peace, and then for the brotherhood of man. I go home, have a cup of tea and come back and pray for the eradication of illness and disease from the earth.”

The journalist is amazed. “How does it make you feel to come here every day for 25 years and pray for these things?” she asks.

The old man looks at her sadly. “Like I’m talking to a wall.”

Bible quiz

Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?  

A. Noah; he was floating his stock while everyone else was

liquidating.

Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?  

A. That would be Pharaoh’s daughter, who went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.