Jokes

The missing kippah

An Orthodox father in Millbrae asked his eldest son to say the blessing over bread.

His son realized that he didn’t have his head covered, so he asked his little brother to put a hand on his head until he finished the blessing.

But after a few minutes, the younger son grew impatient and took off his hand.

The father said, “What are you doing? Put your hand back on your brother’s head.”

The younger son replied, “Am I my brother’s kippah?”

The conversation

Two decadent Jews in San Francisco were discussing the state of morals in the modern world.

“I didn’t sleep with my wife before I was married,” said one of them self-righteously. “Did you?”

“I don’t know,” said the other. “What was her maiden name?”

Definition

Q: What is the definition of a psychiatrist?

A: A Jew who wanted to be a doctor to make his or her mother happy, but who faints at the sight of blood.

Mathematics

5764 Year according to Jewish calendar

+ 4701 Year according to Chinese calendar

= 1063 Total number of years that Jews went without Chinese food

Follow my lead

Sara and Emily are walking their dogs past the synagogue one Saturday morning.

Sara says, “Lets go in. I hear they have really nice chopped liver at the Kiddush on Shabbat.”

Says Emily, “They will never let us in with the dogs.”

“Just follow my lead,” says Sara, and she goes into the synagogue.

As she expected, the shammas tells her, “No dogs are allowed.”

Sara responds, “But it’s my seeing-eye dog.”

The shammas replies, “Sorry, I didn’t know. OK, you can go in.”

Emily follows. Again the shammas says, “No dogs are allowed.”

Emily says, “But it’s my seeing-eye dog.”

The shammas says, “This is your seeing-eye dog? A chihuahua?”

Emily looks startled. “Is that what they gave me?” she says.