And God created Israel
On the sixth day, God turned to the angels and said: “Today I am going to create a land called Israel, it will be a land of mountains full of snow, sparkly lakes, forests full of all kind of trees, high cliffs overlooking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life.”
God continued, “I shall make the land rich so to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Israeli, and they shall be known to the most people on earth.”
“But Lord,” asked the angels, “don’t you think you are being too generous to these Israelis?”
“Not really,” God replied. “Just wait and see the neighbors I am going to give them.”
God and Eve speak …
One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, “Lord, I have a problem!”
“What’s the problem, Eve?”
“Lord, I know you’ve created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but I’m just not happy.”
“Why is that, Eve?” came the reply from above.
“Lord, I am lonely. And, I’m sick to death of apples.”
“Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you.”
“What’s a ‘man,’ Lord?”
“This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly. All in all, he’ll give you a hard time. But, he’ll be bigger and faster and more muscular than you. He’ll be really good at fighting and kicking a ball about and hunting fleet-footed ruminants, and not altogether bad in the sack.”
“Sounds great,” says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.
“Yeah, well, he’s better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick. But, you can have him on one condition.”
“What’s that, Lord?”
“You’ll have to let him believe that I made him first.”
Q: What did the waiter ask the group of Jewish women?
A: “Is anything OK?”
The gentile husband
A Jewish businessman warned his daughter against marrying a gentile.
The daughter replied, “But he’s converting to Judaism.”
“It doesn’t matter,” the old man said. “A gentile husband will cause problems.”
After the wedding, the father called his daughter, who was in business with him, and asked her why she was not at work.
“It’s Shabbos,” the daughter replied.
The father was surprised: “But we always work on Saturday. It’s our busiest day.”
“I won’t work anymore on Saturday,” the daughter insisted, “because my husband wants us to go to shul on Shabbos.”
“See,” the father says. “I told you marrying a gentile would cause problems.”