Jokes

The interview

Joseph, an Orthodox Jew, goes to a job interview with a non-Jewish employer. In the course of the interview, which was going well, the employer asks Joseph what kind of salary he is looking for.

Thinking of his large family and the many bills that have to be paid, Joseph quickly replies that he needs around $50,000 a year. The employer replies that in today’s market and with Joseph’s limited skill set, he is only prepared to pay $40,000 a year.

Upon hearing this, Joseph tells him “Listen, even though I am an Orthodox Jew and keep kosher, I still have to bring home the bacon!”

The operation

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room.

The first kid leans over and asks, “What are you in here for?”

The second kid says, “I’m in here to get my tonsils out and I’m a little nervous.”

The first kid says, “You’ve got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was 4. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of ice cream. It’s a breeze.”

The second kid then asks, “What are you here for?”

The first kid says, “A circumcision.”

And the second kid says, “Whoa, I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year.”

That’s entertainment

Abby had lived a good life, having been married four times. Now she found herself in the afterlife. The angel at the gates said to her, “I see that you first of all married a banker, then an actor, next a rabbi and lastly an undertaker. Why? This does not seem appropriate for a Jewish woman.”

“Oh yes it is” Abby replied. “It’s one for the money, two for the show, three to make ready and four to go.”

The end of a good holiday

Dan was out with his best friends, Joe and Ben, one evening when he suddenly collapsed and died. His friends were naturally totally shocked.

Joe pointed to Dan and said to Ben, “How good he looks, how relaxed, how tanned, how healthy!”

“And why not?” replied Ben, “He just spent three weeks in Maui.”

Politics

Israel’s economy is in a bad way, inflation is getting higher and immigrants are flooding in from all over the world. Problems, problems, problems, but what should they do? So the Knesset holds a special session to come up with a solution.

After several hours of talk without progress one member, Yitzhak, stands up and says “Quiet everyone, I've got it, I've got the solution to all our problems. We’ll declare war on the United States.”

Everyone starts shouting at once. “You’re nuts! That’s crazy!”

“Hear me out!” says Yitzhak. “We declare war. We lose. The United States does what she always does when she defeats a country. She rebuilds everything; our highways, airports, shipping ports, schools, hospitals, factories and loans us money, and sends us food aid. Our problems would be over.

“Sure,” says Benny, another minister, “that’s if we lose. But what if we win?”

These jokes have been e-mailed to us by friends and associates who, for the most part, have downloaded them. We therefore cannot verify the authorship.