Jokes

The observant skier

As you may know, in a slalom race the skier must pass through about 20 “gates” in the fastest possible time. Well, it happened that Israel had the fastest slalom skier in the world and had great expectations for an Olympic gold medal.

Come the day of the final, the crowd waited in anticipation. The French champion sped down the course in 38 seconds. The Swiss in 38.7 seconds, the German in 37.8 seconds, the Italian in 38.1 seconds, and then came the turn of the Israeli. The crowd waited … and waited … for six minutes!

“What happened to you?” screamed his trainer when the Israeli finally arrived.

Replied the exhausted Israeli: “Which of those SOBs put a mezuzah on each gate?”

A lunar bar mitzvah

A rich man wanted the most spectacular bar mitzvah ever for his son. The African safari bar mitzvah was being done too often, so the father arranged to rent the space shuttle from NASA and take the rabbi and family into space. That created a lot of attention, and all the press was there to find out how it went.

The first person off the shuttle was the grandma, and the reporters asked, “How was the service?”

Grandma answered, “OK.”

“How was the boy’s speech?”

“OK.”

“How was the food?”

“OK.”

“Everything was just OK? You don’t seem to have liked it. What was wrong?”

“There was no atmosphere!”

These jokes have been e-mailed to us by friends and associates who, for the most part, have downloaded them. We therefore cannot verify the authorship.