Paid to worry?

The people of Chelm were worriers. So they called a meeting to do something about the problem of worry. A motion was duly made and seconded to the effect that Yossel, the cobbler, be retained by the community as a whole, to do its worrying, and that his fee be one ruble per week.

The motion was about to carry, all speeches having been in favor, when the wife of a local sage, Yenta, asked the fatal question: “If Yossel earned a ruble a week, what would he have to worry about?”

Matchmaker mishugas

A Jewish matchmaker who is singing the praises of a male client brings an eligible young woman to see him.

The woman takes one look at him and turns away to whisper to the matchmaker: “You said he was young, and he’s 50 for sure … You said he was beautiful, and he’s ugly as sin. You said he was shapely, and he is big enough for two, you said …”

“You don’t have to whisper,” says the matchmaker. “He’s also hard of hearing.”

Drinking Jews

Q. Why don’t Jews drink?

A. It interferes with their suffering.

A true mother-in-law

A Jewish town had a shortage of men for wedding purposes, so they had to import men from other towns. One day a groom-to-be arrived on a train, and two mothers-in-law-to-be were waiting for him, each claiming ownership.

A rabbi was called to solve the problem. After a few minutes of thought, he said: “If this is the situation, you both want the groom, we’ll cut him in half and give each one of you half of him.”

To this, one woman replied: “If that’s the case, give him to the other woman.”

The rabbi said: “Ah! The one willing to cut him in half, she is the real mother-in-law!”

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