The Jewish knight

A Jewish doctor makes a great medical discovery for which the queen has decided to grant him knighthood. At the ceremony, as she touches his shoulders with the sword, he is supposed to recite an ancient Celtic blessing.

However, for all his medical genius, the doctor cannot seem to memorize the required Celtic words. On the day of his investiture, the nervous doctor waits his turn as several others are being knighted before him. As he listens to one after another recite the Celtic blessing correctly, he grows more and more nervous.

Finally, when he kneels before the queen and she taps his shoulders with the sword, the good doctor completely forgets the Celtic words, and substitutes the first foreign words that pop into his head: “Ma Nishtahnah Ha Lailah Ha Zeh.”

The queen, clearly confused, looks to the gathered crowd, and says, “Why is this knight different from all the other knights?”

Passing over

Q: Why do we have a Haggadah at Passover?

A: So we can seder right words.

Q: What do you call someone who derives pleasure from the bread of affliction?

A: A matzahchist.

Too much chopped liver

It seems a group of leading medical people have published data that indicates that seder participants should not partake of both chopped liver and charoses. It is indicated that this combination can lead to charoses of the liver.

Matzah mischief

A blind man is sitting on a park bench. A rabbi sits down next to him and chomps on a piece of matzah. Taking pity on the blind man, he breaks off a piece and gives it to the blind man. Several minutes later, the blind man turns, taps the rabbi on the shoulder and asks, “Who wrote this?”

Good news, bad news

Moses was hanging out with the slaves. Things were terrible. Pharaoh wouldn’t even speak to him. The rest of the Israelites were mad at him and making the overseers even more irritable than usual. He was about ready to give up.

Suddenly a booming, sonorous voice spoke from above: “You, Moses, heed me! I have good news, and bad news.”

Moses was staggered. The voice continued: “You, Moses, will lead the people of Israel from bondage. If Pharaoh refuses to release your bonds, I will smite Egypt with a rain of frogs. You, Moses, will lead the people of Israel to the Promised Land. If Pharaoh blocks your way, I will smite Egypt with a plague of locusts.

“You, Moses, will lead the people of Israel to freedom and safety. If Pharaoh’s army pursues you, I will part the waters of the Red Sea to open your path to the Promised Land.”

Moses was stunned. He stammered, “That’s … that’s fantastic. I can’t believe it! But what’s the bad news?”

“You, Moses, must write the environmental impact report.”

These jokes have been e-mailed to us by friends and associates who, for the most part, have downloaded them. We therefore cannot verify the authorship.