Yeshiva University

A young stranger in New York was seeking Yeshiva University but the many directions he had received only confused him and he became lost. Luckily, he saw a learned old man approaching him with a load of books under his arm. 

He stopped the professorial man. “Tell me, sir, how do I get to Yeshiva University?”

The old man thought about the question for a moment or two and then replied, “Study, young man. Constant study!”

Personal advice

A lady golfer visits a driving range to tone up before a game. She is about to drive her first ball off the tee when she notices the man next to her. 

“Pardon me, sir” she said. “You are aiming in the wrong direction — back towards the golf shop.” 

“Oy! Tanks for dat. Vitout you, I vouldn’t know. I’m blind.” 

He then turned around and started hitting out into the range. After a few minutes, he asked the lady how he was doing. 

“Not bad.” she answered. “Most of your shots are straight and fairly long. Only a few of them are slicing.” 

“Tanks, again, Miss. ” he replied. “Vitout you telling, I vouldn’t know dese tings.” 

A few shots later, he inquired again. “Do you mind I should ask a poisonal qvestion?” 

“Not at all,” she replied. 

“I don’t do vell vit the ladies. Am I ugly or fett?” 

“You’re quite presentable,” she replied. “I don’t think that should be a problem.” 

Smiling now, he exulted, “Vat a relief. I vas always afraid to ask. Again, I got to tank you.” 

He was about to hit another ball when she interrupted him. “Do you mind if I give you a bit of advice?” she asked. 

“Vit gladness. All the help you got I vill take.” he answered. 

“Lose the Jewish accent.” she replied. “You’re Chinese.”

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