It’s a miracle!

A certain tzaddik of Lithuania, a Chassidic rabbi with a wide reputation as a wonder worker, was in his study when the door burst open and the shammes rushed in, his eyes alight with holy fervor.

“Rabbi! Rabbi!” he shouted, wildly excited. “A terribly crippled man just came into the synagogue. The moment he approached the bimah and laid his hand on the Torah he threw his crutches away! I myself saw the whole thing!”

The rabbi jumped up from his chair and raised his arms heavenward. “It is indeed a miracle from heaven!” he cried, his face aglow with spiritual rapture.

“Tell me quickly, where is the man now?”

“He’s lying in the aisle,” answered the shammes. “The poor man fell!”

Jewish candy

Q: What’s a Jew’s favorite candy?

A: Mazel-toffee

Young and confused

A young Jewish lad entered Notre Dame to play football.

At the end of the season, he returned home. As luck would have it, he ran into his rabbi at the airport.

The rabbi asked, “Are they trying to convert you at South Bend?”

The youngster said, “Of course not, Father!”

Strange sighting

On a Jewish holiday on Venus, Harry Siegel — far, far from his home in Staten Island — asked the Venusian hotel clerk, “Excuse me. Would you happen to know if there is a synagogue here on Venus?

“Synagogue?” replied the clerk. “Yes, Mr. Siegel, there certainly is! Leave the hotel, walk down the street two blocks, turn left and bingo, there it is, the finest synagogue in the solar system!”

So Mr. Siegel left the hotel, followed the clerk’s directions and there — lo and behold — was a synagogue. He entered. All of the worshipers were Venusians, with blue skin and three eyeballs, as was the rabbi, and the Purim services had begun.

Mr. Siegel happily joined in. When the services were over, he went up to the rabbi and said, “My name is Siegel. I’m from Earth. I just want to tell you, rabbi, how very happy I was to be with you tonight.”

The Venusian rabbi beamed. “It’s an honor! But excuse me, are you Jewish?”

“Certainly” replied Mr. Siegel.

“That’s funny,” said the rabbi. “You don’t look Jewish.”

These jokes have been e-mailed to us by friends and associates who, for the most part, have downloaded them. We therefore cannot verify the authorship.