Lot’s story

A father was reading Bible stories to his young son.

He read, “The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city and never look back. But his wife did look back and so was turned to salt.”

His son asked, “What happened to the flea?”

Last words

Sadie’s husband, Jake, has been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet his faithful wife stays by his bedside day and night. 

One night, Jake comes to and motions for her to come closer. He says, “My Sadie, you have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what, Sadie?”

“What dear?” she asked gently.

“I think you’re bad luck.”

The dog

Rivkah, a little old lady, gets on an El Al flight to Israel.

She’s carrying a bag, a purse and a little dog in a box. She sits down and puts the box on the seat next to her.

An attendant approaches and says, “I’m sorry madam, but you can’t keep the dog here. I’ll have to take it and put it in baggage.”

Rivkah agrees. What else can she do?

During the flight, the attendant looks in on the little dog, and the dog is dead.

She informs the pilot who notifies Tel Aviv airport who tells the director who decides that they will get another dog to replace this one. The little old lady will never know.

When the plane lands and Rivkah goes to the baggage desk to claim her box, they bring her a box with a new dog, an exact replica of her old dog. “This is not my dog”, Rivkah exclaims.

“Why yes it is,” the attendant tells her. “See, it has the same markings.”

“This is not my dog”, Rivkah insists.

“How do you know this isn’t your dog?” asks the captain.

“My dog is dead!”

The sick rabbi

The president of a congregation went to the hospital to visit their rabbi, who had just suffered a mild heart attack.

“Rabbi,” he said, “the board just voted 12 to 8 to wish you a speedy recovery!”

The shlemiel

Sadie tells Maurice, “You’re a shlemiel! You always were a shlemiel and you always will be a shliemel! You look, act and dress like a shlemiel! You’ll be a shlemiel until the day you die! And if they ran a worldwide competition for shlemiel, you would be the world’s second-biggest shlemiel!”

“Why only second place?” Maurice asks.

“Because you’re a shlemiel!” Sadie screams.

The checkup

Esther went to her doctor for a checkup. Afterwards, the doctor said to her, “I must inform you that you have a fissure in your uterus, and if you ever have a baby it would be a miracle.”

As soon as she got home, Esther said to her husband, “You vouldn’t belief it. I vent to the doctah and he told me, ‘You haf a fish in your uterus and if you haf a baby it vill be a mackerel'”

These jokes have been e-mailed to us by friends and associates who, for the most part, have downloaded them. We therefore cannot verify the authorship.