We asked our readers to share their stories about the bar and bat mitzvahs, and we received some wonderful tales. Here are their stories.
Crossing the threshold with Orthodox bat mitzvah
Many years before my birth, my maternal grandfather was the founder and first president of our Orthodox synagogue. I grew up sitting in the laps of my female relatives in the balcony above the main floor. Of course, the men sat on the main floor.
My stepfather was the treasurer. I attended Hebrew school and had a magical childhood. When I was 12 or 13 there arose talk about the possibility of conducting b’not mitzvah for girls. Until then only boys were allowed the bar mitzvah. As it happened, my birthday was the next one following the introduction of this new possibility.
The idea of a bat mitzvah seemed appropriate to me at that age. Therefore, I was stunned at the response from my stepfather. I never thought much about why the women were upstairs and the men downstairs before that conversation. It was just what we did.
I also never remember my mother and stepfather quarreling until that day. But quarrel they did, and she prevailed.
All the while I was learning and preparing.
My mother made me a beautiful, modest dress. My grandmother and other female relatives cooked and baked for the oneg Shabbat.
The bat mitzvah day finally arrived. I remember looking out over the hushed congregation with such pride and gratitude. There in the front row were my mother and stepfather together, sitting side by side, smiling. And that was how I became the first bat mitzvah at the Congregation Tiffereth Israel in Revere, Mass. And that was when the men and women first sat together on the main floor.
I never heard the word feminism for many years after that, but that day I learned its meaning.
Dorothea Z. Lack lives in San Francisco
Mom and son share an intimate ceremony
My husband is not Jewish, and we agreed before getting married that our children would be raised in the Jewish religion. I did not have a strong Jewish upbringing, and my family did not belong to a temple. Once we had children, I wanted to learn as much as possible about the Jewish religion so that I could teach them and establish family traditions. We attended the children’s workshops held at different temples in the community where we learned about Jewish holidays and celebrations.
Since we did not join a temple, our older son, Cory, worked with a Hebrew tutor to prepare for his bar mitzvah. Rather than have his bar mitzvah in a hotel or hall, we decided it would be very special to have it in our home. He had an intimate, beautiful bar mitzvah in July 1999. We cleared the furniture out of our living room and dining room and created our own sanctuary. We did not have a theme, DJ, dancing, entertainer, etc. We did have a lovely luncheon outdoors.
When my younger son, Casey, began his Hebrew tutoring, I wanted to learn Hebrew with him. We learned everything together and practiced together. Since I was learning so much, we decided that I should have my bat mitzvah. So we had a b’nai mitzvah on Oct. 5, 2002. Casey had a longer Torah and Haftarah portion than I did because he learned much faster than I. I felt blessed to share this spiritual experience with him in the intimacy of our own home.
Lori McBride lives in Redwood City
Bar mitzvah makes a splash
My bar mitzvah celebration took place May 19, 1975, in the garden of our home. The pool was sparkling and the wonderful challah, knishes, strudel and stuffed cabbage my Grandma Clara had made were waiting.
There were flowers, sunshine, a small band and a photographer. The photographer was a young woman, dressed attractively with a nice upswept coiffure. She gathered the family for a large group shot but she just couldn’t get us all in. She stepped backward, we still didn’t fit in the camera so she stepped backward again.
We’ll never know if she finally captured us all because the next thing we saw and heard was the photographer falling backward into the pool with a Shamu-type splash and a huge volume of water going up into the air. When she surfaced unhurt, the beautifully dressed and coiffed young woman looked anything but. In addition, the words coming out of her mouth weren’t usually heard at a bar mitzvah.
Apparently this was her first job and she was moaning that the boss would never send her out again. A relative gave her one of her own dresses a few sizes too big, and trooper that she was, the photographer continued taking pictures with another camera. The pictures did turn out OK, but I’m sure she never attempted that shot again.
My sister Jill was the videographer at my daughter’s recent bat mitzvah and she didn’t fall into the pool!
Steve Jacknow lives in Walnut Creek