The service

Just after the High Holy Days, the rabbi noticed little Alex was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the synagogue. The plaque displayed names, with small American flags along its edges.

The 7-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the rabbi walked up, stood beside the boy and said quietly, “Good morning, Alex.”

“Good morning, rabbi,” replied the boy, still focused on the plaque. “Rabbi Bernstein, what is this?” Alex asked.

“Well, it is a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.”

Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque, until finally little Alex looked up at the rabbi, and in a small voice, barely audible, asked, “Which service: Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur?”

The sin

Ron goes to the rabbi and says, “I committed a sin and I want to know what I can do to repent.”

“What was the sin?” the rabbi asked.

“It happened just once,” Ron assures him. “I didn’t wash my hands and recite the blessing before eating bread.”

“Nu, if it really only happened once,” the rabbi said, “that’s not so terrible. Nonetheless, why did you neglect to wash your hands and recite the blessing?”

“I felt awkward, Rabbi,” said Ron. “You see, I was in an un-kosher restaurant.” The rabbi’s eyebrows arch.

“And why were you eating in an un-kosher restaurant?”

“I had no choice,” Ron said. “All the kosher restaurants were closed.”

“And why were all the kosher restaurants closed?” the rabbi asked.

Ron replied, “It was Yom Kippur.”

Kol Nidre

The critical Giants-Dodgers series in San Francisco starts the night of Kol Nidre, the solemnest time of the Jewish calendar. This has put many local fans into a quandary.

A distressed Giants fan goes to his rabbi.

“Rabbi,” he says, “I don’t know what to do. I know that tonight is Kol Nidre, but the Giants are playing the Dodgers.”

The rabbi smiles. “That’s all right. It’s for nights like this that God invented VCRs.”

“Really?” the man said, his face lighting up, “I can tape Kol Nidre?"

These jokes have been e-mailed to us by friends and associates who, for the most part, have downloaded them. We therefore cannot verify the authorship.