The crime

A Brooklyn policeman spots two youngsters riding a motorcycle. They are unmistakably Chassidic: yarmulke, payot, the works. The policeman is unmistakably a bigot, so he follows them intending to catch them doing some kind of wrong.

After a long ride during which they went onto Flatbush, and then onto many side roads, he could find nothing wrong with their driving. Frustrated, he stopped them anyway. “I have been following you two for a long time now, watching every move you made and hoping to catch you breaking the law, but you two seem to be perfect. How do you do it?”

They replied “HaShem is with us.”

“That’s it!” exclaimed the policeman. “Three people on a motorcycle!”

My love

Sidney Cohen was thinking about how good his wife had been to him, and how fortunate he was to have her. He asked God, “Why did you make her so kind-hearted?”

God responded, “So you could love her, my son.”

“Why did you make her so good-looking?”

“So you could love her, my son.”

“Why did you make her such a good cook?”

“So you could love her, my son.”

Sidney thought about this. Then he said, “I don’t mean to seem ungrateful or anything, but why did you make her so stupid?”

“So she could love you, my son.”

Landing at Ben-Gurion

As the El Al plane settled down at Ben-Gurion airport, the voice of the captain came on:

“Please remain seated with your seat belts fastened until this plane is at a complete standstill and the seat belt signs have been turned off. We also wish to remind you that using cell phones on board this aircraft is strictly prohibited. To those who are seated, we wish you a merry Christmas, and hope that you enjoy your stay. And to those of you standing in the aisles and talking on your cell phones, we wish you a happy Chanukah, and welcome back home!”

The proposal

Shlomo and Hetty, an elderly widow and widower, had been dating for about three years when Shlomo finally decided to ask Hetty to marry him. She immediately said “yes.”

The next morning when he awoke, Shlomo couldn’t remember what her answer was. “Was she happy? I think so. Wait, no, she looked at me funny …”

After about an hour of trying to remember, but to no avail, he got on the telephone and gave Hetty a call.

Embarrassed, he admitted that he didn’t remember her answer to his proposal.

“Oh”, Hetty said, “I’m so glad you called. I remembered saying ‘yes’ to someone, but I couldn’t remember who it was.”

Good health

Max Levy goes to his doctor, complaining of aches and pains all over his body. After a thorough examination, the doctor gives him a clean bill of health.

“Max, you’re in excellent shape for an 85-year-old man. But I’m not a magician — I can’t make you any younger,” says the doctor.

“Who asked you to make me younger?” says Max. ” Just make sure I get older!”

These jokes have been e-mailed to us by friends and associates who, for the most part, have downloaded them. We therefore cannot verify the authorship.